Friday, December 24, 2010

My First Christmas...in Heaven.

I picked this up from another baby lost Mama I happened to stumble upon...from Holly's site I believe.  Here is a link to her blog so you can read her story.  Thank you so much for the "gentle reminder."  I hope everyone enjoys my happy face because Christmas is so hard for me this year.  However, I keep reminding myself that she is better off where she is.

My First Christmas in Heaven
I see the countless Christmas Trees around the world below,
With tiny lights, like heaven’s stars, reflecting on the snow.
The sight is so spectacular; please wipe away that tear,
For I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.
I hear the many Christmas songs that people hold so dear,
But the sounds of music can’t compare with the Christmas choir up here.
I have no words to tell you, the joy their voices bring,
For it is beyond description to hear the angels sing.
I know how much you miss me; I see the pain inside your heart,
But I am not so far away, we really aren’t apart.
So be happy for me dear one, you know I hold you dear,
And be glad I’m spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.
I send to you a special gift from my heavenly home above,
I send to you a memory of my underlying love.
After all, "love" is the gift more precious than pure gold,
It was always most important in the stories Jesus told.
Please love and keep each other, as the Father said to do,
For I can’t count the blessings, or the love he has for you.
So have a Merry Christmas, and wipe away that tear,
Remember, I’m spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Gearing Up for Christmas at the Jackson's

We went ahead and bought Daniel's stocking tonight!  The stores are starting to put Christmas stuff on sale 50% off so we went ahead and got him his sock.  It's just a simple red and white one that you write the name on the top.  They had some really cute ones, but I was afraid if we got one for Daniel that Luke would be jealous...he has the red one too.  I dont know why, but stockings really set me off missing Vanessa.  It's just not right that she would have been born earlier this month and has no stocking.  I'm seriously considering buying one of those little tiny ones for her to hang with the boys' just so she doesnt feel left out...or rather so I dont feel like I'm leaving her out.

Today was Landon's birthday and we really didnt do much.  Poor guy has been sick again since we came home from Georgia.  At one point today he was running a fever of 102.  I get nervous when they get up that high, but we were able to get it to break.  We finished up some Christmas shopping tonight...and are opening presents here at home tomorrow.  It's so hard to do it with everyone's schedules so we normally do it a few days early...plus it drags it out for Luke to about 3-4 days in a row of presents. Ah, the perks of having your parents separated!  Yes, there are a few!

Christmas this year is so bittersweet, but we are doing our best to make Luke's last Christmas as an only child a good one....in fact, as we speak, Landon is doing some elve work - wrapping presents in the basement that Santa will leave Christmas Eve.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

26 weeks

We made it home!  The trip to Georgia was GREAT and we had SO much fun with family down there, but I dont think I'll ever do a road trip this far along again.  The drive/riding was killer.  Other than that it was GREAT!  Luke had a ball and was so good the entire trip.  I loved having him with us.  He definetly made it more fun!

On the pregnancy side of things...BLOATED.  LoL!  I dont know why I bloat so bad when I'm pregnant.  I cant just gain a little weight like most people...I have to retain water like a dam.  My ankles are GONE.  I couldnt tell if it was weight gain or water, but I'm pretty sure it's water.  I'm swollen from my knees down, feet included....face included.  LoL.  I dont recognize myself any more.  I just keep telling myself that he will come out and all will gradually go back to normal.  Just hang in there!

I keep going back and forth between really excited to the point of tears about Daniel coming and then the next moment I'm absolutely terrified about labor.  Ugh.  I did the same thing with Luke only worse, but it still sucks.  You gotta love the hormones.  On the way home I started crying because I wanted to come home and vaccum MY carpet.  Yes, I'm serious.  Still havent done it either.

So we are at 26 weeks.  Some where between here and 28 weeks we hit the 3rd trimester.  There is some discrepancy as to where it starts, but it's around here some where.  January 6th we go back for the 2nd glucose test.  Dr. H wants us to go to the hospital before then and pre-register "just in case."  Things are gearing up for the big arrival, but March still feels so far off.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Oh, the weather outside is frightful...

YAY SNOW!

It has been so cold!  On the plus side we have so much pretty snow blowing all over the place.  Luke has not gone to school since last Thursday, goes tomorrow and then we are pulling him out to go to Georgia...getting him back for Tuesday, and then he is off till January.  Some kids have all the luck! LoL!  Landon has been busy with finals, but today's was cancelled so we all got to stay home and enjoy each other for the first time in a week.  We dont get time like this very often so we take advantage when we get it.  We spent all day today  making candy and cookies to take to Georgia with us. 

Daniel has been super active!  It's so calming to be able to feel him move around in there and KNOW he is ok.  I'm starting to get really really anxious about labor and delivery, but I know it will pass as the time gets closer for him to come.  I did the same with Luke.  It was so bad with him I locked myself in the girls bathroom at school and bawled for an hour one day.  Definitely not so bad this time around.  LoL!  This time I'm really excited to meet him....so much!  I cant wait to have another little man running around here.

Well, we are going to be MIA for awhile.  In GA till next monday and then super busy with Christmas stuff.  Every one have a great week/end!

Monday, December 6, 2010

The Shack

Landon's dad gave us a copy of The Shack a year or so ago and I really enjoyed it!  It was such a great book.  Since we lost Nessa I have started reading it again, and it is like reading a whole new book.  It's odd how events can change your way of seeing things.  I think every one who looses a child should take the time to read it...even those who havent would benefit from reading it.  This is a rather long review of the book, but it covers the faults in the authors theology, while at the same time being fair to the message the book is trying to convey.  I think a lot of the reviews are unfair in the sense that the author says things that people reading may be thinking or questioning...and reviewers see it as him undermining religious teachings.  The main character in this book has some serious "God" issues, and having lost a child myself, I can see why.  I was angry at this book the first time I read it.  I like it, but there was so much about it I disagreed with...little things that stood out as "not right."  After loosing Vanessa I found myself feeling just like the main character and asking the same characters.  NOTHING I had ever been taught really prepared me for what I was experiencing, but the book explained things in a way that I got.  I finally understood.  It sort of clicked.


Pick it up and see for yourself...let me know what YOU think about it.  Does it set off alarms or answer questions?  Personally, I would love to lay on a dock with Jesus and look at the stars :)

Sunday, December 5, 2010

24 Weeks

Wow, 24 weeks....6 months...3 left.  It feels like I have forever to go, but 3 months really isnt that long.  Although, with winter just gearing up, March feels like forever away.  LoL!


How far along? 24 Weeks

Total weight gain/loss: I havent been near a scale for 2 weeks.  So I suppose I'm going with 30.  LoL

Maternity clothes? Of course.

Stretch marks? Top of my belly there are some new ones

Sleep:  I've been getting really tired again lately.

Best moment this week: We were cuddling in bed and Landon got the crap kicked out of him.  It was so sweet.  I thought Landon was going to cry.  Little one is getting so strong.

Movement: TONS! It's so comforting to feel him moving around in there...even though he is ALREADY reaching up into my rib cage from time to time.

Food cravings: Comes and goes.  Lately I've wanted oranges though.  I went through 5 of them in 3 days last week.

Anything making you queasy or sick: I get motion sick real easy.

Have you started to show yet: I may lash out at the next person who asks me if I'm SURE I'm not having twins.  I appologize ahead of time, but I'm tired of the twin thing.  It's just one long baby in a tiny short torso.

Leakage: Tapered off a little, but it's still collecting in there.

Gender prediction: Boy.

Labor Signs: Nope

Belly Button in or out? In but not for long.  It's stretched to the max.

Wedding rings on or off? Officially off.

Happy or Moody most of the time: Moody.

Weekly Wisdom: Just because the couch was your best friend during one pregnancy does not mean it wont throw out your entire hip and lower back in the next.



Belly Pic to come soon ;)

Friday, December 3, 2010

Yay, No one is Sick!

Luke has gone all day today without the sniffles!!!!!  I'm so excited I could jump up and down! 

Tomorrow we are going to Fremont for a marina party (we dock in Port Clinton and they have a get together somewhere around Christmas each year) and then after that we are headed for the zoo!  I'm so excited!  I was really rather bummed out we couldnt go, but it seems that some anti-stuffy medicine and staying in from recess did the trick!  Not to mention I slipped him a ton of vitamin C the past two days.  GA in two weeks!!!!!!  Then Christmas!!!!!

Tis The Season

Yay Christmas!!!!!!

Our mornings now consist of lighting the tree and listening to Christmas music.  LOVE IT!  This season is so much better not working in retail.  I no longer fear the month of December.  LoL! 
I've finally gotten back some of that 2nd trimester motivation and my house officially looks like it did when Landon and I first started dating.  It's amazing what pregnancy will do to a person ;)  I have finally fallen into a routine at home and feel so much healthier for it.  Dont get me wrong, I still have my moody moments, but not like I used to.

Tomorrow we were supposed to take Luke to the zoo.  I really wanted to take him before Daniel is born, and he LOVES the Christmas lights.  Now I'm not so sure we are going to make it.  We like to go down on a Friday night and see the lights, stay in a motel, and shop the next day before coming home.  Well, my darling son is coming down with a cold.  He CANNOT miss school if we are going to take him to Georgia with us in a few weeks...so the zoo trip is getting scratched.  I feel really bad because I know how much he really wanted to go, but I think him and I are going to try and go Christmas shopping for Landon tomorrow.  He needs to study for finals any way.  LoL!

Daniel has been super active lately.  He's getting so strong too!  Luke loves to sit and watch him wriggle.  Every time I inhale he hollars, "Mom! He's jumping!"  No, honey, that's mommy trying to breath.  LoL!  Landon was able to rest his hand on my belly for quite a while last night while Daniel kicked.  He was so excited.  It was great to be able to share the moment with him.  I feel bad hogging all the kicks, but I know it wont be too long before they all can feel them just as strong as I do and the novelty will wear off.

Ever since our ultrasound Luke has wanted a picture of his baby brother.  I found a frame at Burlington the other day that said, "Me and my Big Brother" and I got it for him!  Next belly pic I'm going to have him with me...hopefully kissing my belly, but you never know what you can or can't get the kid to do.  Any way, I'm putting it in the frame for him for Christmas from Daniel.  I thought he would get a kick out of that.

Well, the dryer just stopped so I'm off to hang and fold more clothes.  I hope you have a wonderful weekend!  I know we will!

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Due Date

I need to do a catch up post because sooo much has been going on!  I havent even posted about Thanksgiving yet! Today deserves it's very own one though.  Today is a very special one.  Today was the day that Dr. H said our darling little girl would be born.  Given such a thing is not an exact science...The full moon was last Tuesday.  It REALLY hit me then.  I'm not sure why but I LOST it last Tuesday.  I hadn't really thought much about it and I randomly just started bawling...missing my little girl.  I have been a pretty big grouch all week too.  No matter how much I tried to shove it out of my mind, today's date was hanging over my head.  Yesterday was the worst.  I bawled hysterically for a good hour and pretty much became a hermit all day.  I figured today would be much of the same, but our Vanessa had other plans it seems.

Luke has been begging for snow for a month.  Every morning there was a frost he would FREAK thinking it was snow.  Landon also has this thing where if it is going to be cold out there needs to be snow on the ground.  So I get up this morning...a little bummed, but not depressed like I thought I would be.  I was in the kitchen making lunches and getting breakfast.  Landon had just gotten up and I was headed in to try to wake Luke again.  I looked out the kitchen window...and the ground was covered in snow, and there was more coming down.  I teared up and literally DRUG Luke out of bed.  I would have carried him, but the kid is over my lift limit.  LoL.  I pushed him through the house, threw open the back door and squealed at the poor kid.  He stood there rubbing his eyes.  He was smiling, but soo out of it.  Suddenly it Vanessa popped into my head and I had this feeling it was from her...just for her big brother.  I whispered in his ear that maybe his baby sister knew how much he wanted snow and sent him some since she couldnt be here.  He turned, hugged me so tight.....and ran back to bed.  LoL!  It has really helped though...having the gorgeous snow falling all day long.  It just makes the day feel magical some how.

I know that she is in a better place...she is so happy and will never have a worry in Heaven, but I miss her so much.  There was so much that I didnt get to do with her.  This was supposed to be her first Christmas and it has really been hard getting ready for the holiday without her.  Babies just make Christmas so much more fun.  It really hurt to hang the stockings up and she didnt have one.  So many traditions and stuff that I wanted to pass down with her, but no more.  It really really made me feel so loved to see that snow this morning.  It was something that all three of us were looking forward to this winter, and there it was ON her due date. 

Here is that ornament I found at Menards for Vanessa.  We called her our Peanut so this was perfect!

Also, today was the due date for a dear friend of mine who lost her little girl as well.  Her daughter's name was Emma so please say a prayer for Anna and myself today...and all throughout the Christmas season.

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