One Year Ago Today

I sit typing this with a little man curled up on my chest, his head on my shoulder.  He's been asleep for a few hours, waking only to nurse.  He's my life right now.  I may have more children, but right now HE needs me...and so I need him.  Even in the bliss of our afternoon, I cant help but think of another...

As of 9:30 tonight it will have been one year since we lost Vanessa.  I will never forget the moment I KNEW.  I never cramped through the whole pregnancy despite bleeding.  Suddenly, I felt a stabbing pain...and I knew.  Luke was getting ready for bed and Landon was at the computer.  I was sitting on the couch.  I just looked at him and said, "She's gone."  We went to the doctor the next day and the doctor confirmed it...another I'll never forget.  I cant believe it has been a year already.  So much has happened.  We've fought, made up, got married, got pregnant, changed jobs a few times, and learned so much about life and each other.  Now we are loving on the little angel that God has sent in her place.  I'm so thankful for our rainbow...he truly brings us a new sense of hope and joy....but today is, and always will be, HER day.

I love you, my Vanessa.  Some day we will be together again...and you can prove to everyone I was right...and I can hold you in my arms...finally.  For now, your brother will do.  At least I dont feel quite so empty any more.