Sugar Lamb Longies Review by Sophie and Momma

Here is a great review and give away of some adorable wool longies!

Baby Legs

Every one do yourselves a favor.
  Go to facebook and "like" Baby Legs.  Then go Here, put $75 worth of baby legs merchandise in your cart (EXCLUDING the holiday stuff) and use code FB75OFF75

I just ordered 7 baby legs for $25...including shipping.  They came out to $3 a pair.  Yes, I rock, and you can too :)

You have to "like" them on facebook first though and it's only good until 10/3

Creating

Lately I've been feeling really crafty.  For my birthday I want stuff to start making cloth diapers.  I need a slightly cheaper way to fuel my passion for cloth...why not try my hand at making them?  I also need to make up some more wipes as mine are (after 6months of heavy use) starting to show some wear and tear.  Then there is the momma cloth thing I wanted to try.  Yeah, still thinking about THAT one.  Landon is sooo not on board, but I LOVE it!  So, if he wont front the cash...I'll just make some of those.

Ive been making tons of crochet stuff too.  I made each of the boys a ball and am looking to make a pair of baby legs for Daniel.

Wait a minute...is there the possibility that I could make some moolah?  Hmmm.  I guess we will see...

Sprouts

I went into the WIC office today to talk to their lactation consultant about Daniel.  She is a great resource!  She always tells me things I already knew, but it's nice to hear someone else tell me I'm on the right track.  We decided that with my forceful letdowns that Daniel is in fact getting too much foremilk.  She advised me to pump prior to each feeding and to increase the "healthy" fats in my diet...simple things like eating more nuts, taking acidophiles, and  sprinkling olive oil over things.  Daniel is scheduled for a weight check with is doc in a month so we will see then how things are going.

They were so impressed with how much I know that they have asked me to help out with a peer counseling group they are starting called "Sprouts"!  I'm so excited!  I was just thinking the other day how much fun it would be to do something like that.  Cloth diapers and boobs!  Thats what I'm all about!  LoL!  I'm so thankful to the Lord for the doors he is opening for me.  I think that breastfeeding is one of the most important things a woman can do and I cant wait to help others!

Back in the Day

We were at Wal-Mart today picking up a few groceries and I seen a man with his young son while we were checking out.  He had that look on his face that he was in a bit of a hurry and just wanted out.  I looked in his cart and seen a few items...randomness mostly...and a VERY large box of diapers.  Ah.  THAT would explain it.  I remember those days!  You ran all the way in town for your diapers because you were almost out and you just want to go home and relax.  I wanted so bad to tell him "the good news" and it had nothing to do with Jesus this time.  I wanted to tell him that I knew better now..AND SO CAN YOU!  LoL!

6 month Rainbow Check-Up

This morning Daniel had his 6 month checkup.  Luke didnt have school today so he went with us.  We had to wait forever!  She was so busy this morning.  Of  course, the big issue was his weight.  He was in the 6th percentile at 2 months, the 3rd at 4 months...and this time she was really concerned.  He gained weight...2 pounds!  He weighs over 13 pounds, BUT he has dropped down in the .78 percentile.  Note the decimal.  Length wise he is in the 30th percentile at 26 inches.  Long and skinny...Like his daddy.  She is concerned with the drop in percentiles though so we were told to go over to the hospital afterward for some blood work to rule some things out.  He is still having some flecks of blood in his poops so we have to culture his poop and send it in too. 

With him not gaining weight along his curve she wants to supplement.  She told me to use to formula...I told her no.  LoL!  Even if it is just to supplement...no thank you.  So, our other option is to use oil in baby cereal.  Butter in potatoes was thrown out but that cant happen with the dairy allergy.  If his blood work comes back ok she is testing for cystic fibrosis...something about digestion not being on par with the disease and they have to rule it out since there are so few warning signs for it.

Please keep us in your prayers...pray that he is ok, pray that I do ok....Ugh.  I'm sure it's nothing.  My theory is that he hasnt been gaining weight because I had too much foremilk.  A recent case of Mastitis has straightened up my supply.  The bloody poop is normally caused by me eating dairy or the foremilk.  Last sunday I had a sausage McMuffin...caramel coloring does it every time.  Perhaps that is all it is.

Other than that he is doing great.  Crawling, cutting a tooth...getting into everything!  Such a sweetie!  He is always so happy!  It's nearly impossible to be upset or depressed with him around.  Between him and Luke...well, we are very blessed :) 

Fuzzi Bunz Give Away!

In the Know Mom is giving one lucky lady a FREE Fuzzi Bunz one size diaper!  You can head over to the blog by following the link above to enter.  I am so excited about this!  These are by far my favorite diapers!  Good luck to every one!

A Mother's Love

So the solids have already come and gone. LoL!  He was eating solids great, but there was a SERIOUS dip in the amount Daniel was nursing.  I was concerned, but when I weighed him and he had only gained .7 pounds (did ya see the decimal?) in 41 days I decided it was time to get serious.  NO MORE SOLIDS...and I let him trigger my let down reflex and then hand express the fore milk.  No more sugar water for Mr. Jackson!  LoL!  He is doing much better without it.  He actually comfort nurses now!  LOVE that!  And he is also more satisfied after his meal (which are longer too).  It was hard watching him fight for his meals as they were sprayed down the back of his throat.  I'm glad I figured it all out and wised up.  Oh, and he crawls now.  Watch out world!

Luke started first grade yesterday.  He seems to like it, but you never know with that kid.  He's so quite.  He never really talks about what goes on at at school and that sort of bothers me.  Who is he hanging out with?  What do they play?  What was the highlight of his day?  I get very vague answers...always have.  *sigh*  My grandma tells me it's a boy thing, but then why do I hear most of the other boys talking their momma's ears off in the HALL WAY?  I suppose things will get better...or I'll just get used to it.  He's still being a pretty good help around the house...a little mouthy, but we had a serious talk about choosing friends tonight.  I think that may be some of the problem...that and being tired for all that "work" at school ;)

Vanessa has been on my mind a lot lately.  She just has.  I keep thinking about the last dream I had of her and how she said she wants me to be happy.  I am, but sometimes I still feel like I replaced her...regaurdless of what she said.  Did I ever tell you about that one?  Here, let me do it now just in case I didnt....
Not long after I found out I was pregnant with Daniel I had my second (and so far last) dream of Vanessa.  I was very upset about getting pregnant again so soon and I wasnt sure how SHE would handle it.  Yeah, I was worried about my child in Heaven.  Like she was really concerned with being replaced where she is.  But still.  Anyway, in the dream she just sort of appeared.  Behind her it was all white and sort of bright.  Typical "cloudy heaven" look to it.  She looked to be just a bit older than me.  I would say early 30's, but as soon as I seen her I knew it was her.  To myself I thought, "Vanessa.  Wow, she's beautiful."  She looked at me and rolled her eyes like a teenager and said, "Mom, seriously, I'm fine."  Then she smiled at me and her eyes were so kind and sincere.  She said, "I just want you to be happy.  It's ok."  And I woke up.  That was it.  After that night I never once felt bad about Daniel.  The devil tries to trip me up from time to time, but all I have to do is picture that eye roll and her sweet smile, think of the words she spoke to me, and it's all ok.  I cling to those dreams of her like a life line sometimes.  I NEED to know she's happy and ok...and God has allowed her to show me enough so that I know.  I'm so thankful for those dreams.


Ah, kids.  They make us crazy, dont they?  I swear I've aged 15 years in the past one.  I keep waiting for the grey hairs to add to the eye wrinkles.  LoL!  But I love them all so much.  I wouldnt trade a moment of the time I've had with them for anything.

Perfect Zoo Day!

A random snap shot from our living room. I love these boys so much!

Today we took an impromptu trip to the zoo.  It was such a great day!  It was warm out, but cool enough that I was able to wear Daniel in the Moby Wrap.  We worked and figured out how to nurse in it...once we did that he thought he had to nurse all the time.  Silly thing! 

Luke and Landon rode the boat ride...TWICE!  They loved it!  

The polar bears were lounging around watching the fish in their inclosure swim around.  I was waiting on this one to dive in for dinner.

Here are the boys playing with some tame polar bears.  LoL!

Too Much Milk?

Today I learned that your milk is NOT supposed to spray out of your nipples, you really shouldnt have much leaking between nursings, and green, blood streaked poop is not ALWAYS caused by a food allergy.  All are also signs of too much milk.  Here I sit worried I dont have enough, and I have TOO MUCH!  LLL calls it "over enthusiastic" breasts.  Lovely.  I knew I had a strong let down reflex, but I had no idea that it was a sign of over production.  I reacted the same way when Luke nursed, but because he ate sooo much, it never bothered him.  He took the extra fore milk AND the hind milk.  Poor Daniel's problem is that he's getting too much fore milk...it contains the sugary Lactose...which can cause the gassyness, upset tummy, green poop, and after it builds up in the intestines, blood streaked stools.  All are also signs of a food allergy, but we have already went through the steps to rule Dairy as a DEF. allergy.  Today I KNOW I ate nothing with dairy and we are still having some really nasty diapers, blood streaks, and he's broke out in his diaper area.  All thanks to the lovely Lactose.

So how is this problem fixed?  Most women are looking to increase, I need to decrease....Kellymom.com suggests nursing one side per feeding.  Ok, I do that.  The next step is to nurse one side for TWO feedings then switch.  We are going to start that tomorrow and see how it goes.  I'm just thankful the bloody poo is nothing more serious than a little extra milk.

Name pictures

I want to thank Elaine over at Waves Over Stones for the wonderful pictures she took of Vanessa's name for me on a recent vacation she took.  These are the first that have been done for us and my reaction really took me by surprise.  I teared up so much that Landon thought Luke, who is with his dad this week, had wrote me a really sweet email while he's away.  No, some one just actually took the time to realise that I have a daughter instead of the normal "can we just pretend it never happened" that people usually treat her with.

Sweet Moments

I dare someone to tell me that's not gorgeous. LoL. He was FAMISHED when I got out of the shower after picking beans the other day. We cuddled up and he fell asleep like this...melts my heart to the core. Some times I feel like he only likes nursing because it fills his belly, but right here is my proof that it is more than that. He loves ME! He loves his cuddles with mom...

Newbies

Cloth diapering is all the rage! 
I converted two people today! LoL!  Ok, Ok, so one was already thinking about switching, and who knows if the other girl will follow through, but still!  Cloth diapering just plain rocks and I'm so glad that people around here are starting to get with the picture.  I feel like such a trend setter.  HaHa!

In other news...why do babies sometimes prefer one side over the other?  My left boob is really not happy right now.  Daniel sometimes takes these spells where he goes for about a day or two and REFUSES to nurse off it.  Screams as soon as he tastes it...and will greedily suck away at the right side.  Luke was the SAME way. I wonder if my boob is defective.....

Another question, ALL of my velcro dipes leak if I use them at night.  Regardless of how little or how much I line them, they will leak.  It comes from around the velcro itself, like where it's sewn in...No issues with the snaps though.  Is it just a velcro thing, or am I doing something wrong?

Ok, I leave you with darling pictures of my children.  LoL!  Enjoy!

 Cuddle time at the lake over the 4th.

 Pretending we are a super cute and cuddly puppy dog!  Two outta three aint bad!

My silly Luke lounging around in his PJ's...hard to believe he will be 7 next month.

Floor Nests

Ah, babies.  They are just so darn cute and cuddly!  Personally, I think God makes them that so that when they are NOT so cute and cuddly we dont eat them.  LoL!  Landon had to take a friend to a doctor's appointment today, and Luke is at his dad's this week, so it's just me and Daniel here at the house today.  I piled all the blankets and pillows on the floor in the living room and made us a little nest.  We have been cuddling, nursing and watching movies all day.  PERFECT.  I cant remember the last time I had a day to just relax.  Plus, yesterday I formed a little bit of a plugged duct on my left breast...so the rest and extra nursing is doing me a WORLD of good.

Last night, at my family's weekly fish fry, Daniel tried a few bites of mashed up potato.  He wasnt sure how he felt about it, but he didnt really make any nasty faces either.  I wasnt going to let him, but he was REALLY staring down Landon's plate and was trying to go for a bean.  I figured I'd better get his attention away from the choking hazard.  He's not quite ready yet to start solids full time, but it was fun to try!  LoL!  His Doctor wants him EBF until at least 6 months since he's not gaining much weight, but Landon was always a little guy too!  At Daniel's 4 month appt he weighed 11 pounds 14 ounces.  At birth he weighed 6 IB 2oz so he wasnt too far from doubling his weight like they like, but he had dropped off his curve on the 15 percentile down to the third.  Since there are more calories in breast milk than anything I could ever give him off the table she told me to hold off.  Oh, darn.  LoL!  I was wanting to do that anyway, but it's nice to have the pediatrician back you up when family members are practically shoving food down your baby's mouth.

Enjoy your weekend!  Say a few prayers for us if you could...always could use them. 

Missing Vanessa

Things are going pretty good for us.  I really cant complain.  God has blessed my little family beyond my dreams...still I feel a hole.  She was only here for 6 weeks...just a glimmer in my eye, but I still hold an empty space in my heart.  I watch Daniel as he grows and I catch myself wondering what Vanessa would have been doing at that stage, what would she look like, what silly things would she be doing while she nurses, would her smile be sweet like his?

 I dont think of her as often as I used to...which is sad to me, but the more I think of her the more I hurt so I suppose it's more bittersweet than anything.  I guess the reason I dont think of her is that I know where she is.  I KNOW that one day I will bust down the gates of Heaven to get to her.  I will catch her in my arms and hold her close, smell her sweet smell and kiss her precious cheeks as I spin her around.  Until then I will carry her memory and make sure that she is never forgotten.

Praying for our boys

September over at "One September Day" is hosting a 21 Day book study/prayer devotion for our sons.  All of the information is on her blog.  Please pray about it and see if you would be willing to commit to not only joining the book study, but also taking the time to pray 10 times a day for 21 days for your sons.

My two little men I will be praying for during the 21 day period.

Things 1 and 2

Here we have the loves of my life...arms loving wrapped around each other amid a pile of dipes fresh from the line.  LoL!  I have a feeling I should enjoy these moments while they last.  I am an only child, but I grew up around enough kids with siblings to know that things are not always as such!  For the time being, however, I will revel in the moments when my oldest son randomly wraps his arms around his brother...or when the little one stares at the bigger in admiration.  All too soon they will be chasing each other around and Luke will be whining about how Daniel is always in his way.  Kids.

And I'm seriously wanting them to go as Thing 1 and Thing 2 for Halloween this year. Too cute!

Playing Catch...Up.

YAY!  Hubs has Daniel and I have some free time!

Today's topic...PPD and how I hate it.

LoL!
I had it bad with Luke and would have this time too if Landon had not stepped in.  My anxiety was sooo bad around week 6 that I seriously considered meds.  I just couldnt take it any more!  I didnt even know what I was anxious about.  I felt all shaky inside and just...out of it.  LOTS of praying later, here I am happier and more on fire for the Lord than ever!  Come to find out it was just a nice case of exhaustion!  I tend to think I'm super mom.  Not so much.  One person can only do so much, and I'm learning to turn the rest of it over to God.  It's His job to worry, not mine!  My job is to love on and care for these babies He has given me!

We went to Wal-mart today and got Daniel and Bumbo.  So far he LOVES it...but has only been in it once.  He loves to be able to look at everything...and thinks he can walk.  Last night he was even rotating in little baby  circles where he was laying.  Not much longer!  He also laughed for the first time last night after his bath!  He was super splashy and Landon had video taped his bath...he JUST put it up when Daniel squealed and giggled a big ole belly laugh!  I almost cried!  It was such a beautiful sound!  Of course we HAD to grab the camera...but all we got were little giggles after that.  STILL!  It was great!

Tonight I am going to a friends house who is destashing her cloth diapers to make room for some new (she is pregnant again!).  I'm so excited!  Landon has pretty much turned me loose to get what ever I want.  When we found out we were pregnant she gave us a few when she learned we were using cloth so we KNOW she takes great care of her dipes and will cut us a deal.  She's my only friend near by who uses cloth so we get together when we can. 


Luke's first T-ball game was Sunday and he did AMAZING!  He actually hit 2 pitches (they pitch 3 balls and then grab the Tee if the kids need it), Fouled one, and fielded a ball to first base.  I was so proud, and he had a ton of fun!  It's great to see him getting out and doing stuff with other kids.  I love it!  He's been so great with Daniel too.  He's always happy to lay and talk to Daniel when he starts fussing if I'm not fast enough for him.  LoL!

We also got the garden in last night.  Punkins, cantaloup, watermelon, 2 rows of squash, 6 tomato plants, herbs, 2 rows of beets, and 7-8 rows of green beans.  I'm hoping to make the majority of Daniel's baby food from what we grow.  Save money and I KNOW what is in it!  What I dont grow I plan on just running what ever we are eating that meal through a food processor for him.  No need for jars in our house!  LoL!

Well, I think that catches us all up.  LoL!  Thanks for taking the time to read all that. 

Dipes on the Line

FINALLY! Our clothes line is done! It has, obviously, been a crazy 3 months. I wish I could blog as much as I did when I was pregnant, but I rarely get on anymore. Daniel is doing great and growing like a weed. He is 12 weeks old and has gained 4 pounds. Luke is a wonderful big brother! Daniel loves him so much too!

We are currently working on putting in the garden, but the dipes on the line have by far been the best part of summer so far. Daniel loves being outside so he goes out with me and lays in the shade while I play with clothes. LoL! We also bought a family membership to the zoo so we can take the boys whenever now. SO excited for that too!

Please pray for Landon and I as we are in the process of taking over the youth group at our church. The church has a history of poor attendance to both services and the youth groups...I would like to get more area kids involved and hope to pull thier parents into church by their attendance. Tomorrow we are also dedicating Daniel, that's always something to pray about!

I hope you are all doing well!

Life is Good

Sweet little man is snoozing on my chest, the bigger one is off spending the night with his dad...The house is quite except for K-LOVE playing...it's a rather nice evening.  The house is a mess, but I dont care anymore.  Things are quite good...life is good.

Daniel is 5 weeks old today and growing like a weed.  Last night we had to bust out the 0-3month clothes.  It was hard.  He doest feel so itty bitty in this size, but man, does he ever still look it.  He is also starting to get into some of the small dipes too.  I noticed the last few weeks that the xs ones are starting to get a little snug. 
He has such a wonderful personality.  The only time he really cries is when he's tired, wet, or hungry...just meet his basic needs and your good!  He has already named my boobs too!  Luke always called them "Um Buh"...Not sure why...MY BOOB perhaps?  Daniel calls them La.  Yes, just la.  He cries it when he's hungry.  If you try to give him one any other time he just spits it out.  Silly kid.  Much to my displeasure we have been giving him a pacifier on those times when he's really tired and just wants to suck to sleep.  Surprisingly he wont nurse sometimes when he wants to suck on something, but he will take the pacy.  GAG.  I cried last night cause he wouldnt nurse but was all over that dumb piece of plastic.  He still nurses like a champ every 1-2 hours so Im not too concerned.  Last night he only woke up about twice, but he nursed nearly every hour once he was up.

Luke is really starting to get into the big brother thing more.  He loves watching Daniel's baths and likes to play with him to calm him.  He's a huge help!  He's great at entertaining Daniel while he's having "big boy time" on the floor alone.  He's also gotten much better with his manners and getting ready in the morning.  He doesnt dawdle QUITE as bad as he used to, and we havent added to the quarter jar but once since Daniel came home. 

Landon and I are settling into our new routines pretty well.  He helps me out a TON around the house...as in I do very little.  Its wonderful to be able to just sit and enjoy Daniel...and when I need a break he's usually there to trade jobs for a bit :)  Just a few more weeks and he graduates from college so he's been pretty busy lately. 

It's been a long road to this point, but life is pretty good right now.   After the hard road I've had the last some odd years it feels good to be able to just relax a little.  Soon the weather will get nicer and I can get back out with my mower and loose this baby weight...and we can get the garden in too!  I  cant wait!

One Year Ago Today

I sit typing this with a little man curled up on my chest, his head on my shoulder.  He's been asleep for a few hours, waking only to nurse.  He's my life right now.  I may have more children, but right now HE needs me...and so I need him.  Even in the bliss of our afternoon, I cant help but think of another...

As of 9:30 tonight it will have been one year since we lost Vanessa.  I will never forget the moment I KNEW.  I never cramped through the whole pregnancy despite bleeding.  Suddenly, I felt a stabbing pain...and I knew.  Luke was getting ready for bed and Landon was at the computer.  I was sitting on the couch.  I just looked at him and said, "She's gone."  We went to the doctor the next day and the doctor confirmed it...another I'll never forget.  I cant believe it has been a year already.  So much has happened.  We've fought, made up, got married, got pregnant, changed jobs a few times, and learned so much about life and each other.  Now we are loving on the little angel that God has sent in her place.  I'm so thankful for our rainbow...he truly brings us a new sense of hope and joy....but today is, and always will be, HER day.

I love you, my Vanessa.  Some day we will be together again...and you can prove to everyone I was right...and I can hold you in my arms...finally.  For now, your brother will do.  At least I dont feel quite so empty any more.

Birth of a Rainbow Part 2

Ok, So when I left you we were about to get our epidural.  The nurse came in to check me and I felt a gush.  "Um, not 100% sure, but I THINK my water just broke."  Sure enough.  Then I hear, "Wow you have a LOT of T cells."  At least I THINK that's what she said.  I was completely unsure as to what she was reffering to so I just shrugged.  "No, I mean a LOT."  I ask what that means and my baby who was SUPPOSEDLY early had pooed in me.  Lovely.  She reassured me that all was fine as long as he didnt try to breath in there.  Lovely.  He always had the hiccups so I KNEW he was working hard to learn.  She leaves and comes back with another nurse.  From their talking I find out that the night nurse had been seeing this, literal, crap in my discharge when I peed since 2 am and never told me, never told the nurses at the shift change.  She did, however, have the sense to right it in the report.  They were alert to the issue, but not too worried so I didnt worry too much.  Nothing I could do anyway.

The doctor with the long name who does the drugs (I have no spell check right now.  loL) came in and got me ready for the epidural.  I was LOVING this man....at first.  By the time he came in I was finally hurting.  I was relying pretty heavily on Landon with each contraction.  They were aweful, but not registering on the monitor.  I sat up and doc promised that if I was having a contraction he would stop.  Wonderful.  I sat over and arched my back, all that jazz...and then he went at me with the tube part over and over again.  He would stop with each contration, but it was NOT going in for anything.  My MIL was actually getting upset with the guy.  LoL!  He kept asking me to tell him if I could feel anything and it was always in my right side just above my hip.  He must have been hitting a nerve cause even after I got home I was feeling pain and weakness there.  He pulled everything out and tried up higher.  I had to laugh to myself a little...I had 3 holes to go with my 3 kids.  LoL!  My blood pressure was  highest at this point though.  We really didnt think he was going to be able to get it in.  I finally had him stop and I pulled Landon in front of me, had him kneel just a bit, and then draped myself over him to get more of an arch in my back...that did it.  Before they had me lean over a table or a nurse like that, but this guy had been happy to just have me arch.  Well, it didnt work.  He was great through the whole thing though.  I cried during this part...just so scared and frustrated...in so much pain.  He was very calm and talked me through everything he did and told me what was going on. 

Once the epidural was in things were much smoother...and faster.  Doctor H came in around 7 to check on me and then said he was in surgery for the morning but would check on me later.  Lucky for him I didnt go faster.  By about 9 am the epidural was wearing off and by about 9:30am they had the guy in to readminister the good stuff.  During this time I was in serious pain again.  It was different though.  I had never experienced it and kept telling the nurses I was going to have to start pushing soon.  "Not yet, almost".  Grrr!  THey had run a catheter earlier and FILLED the container they were draining me into...apparently this time it was "#2" that was causing my trouble.  Not much to do about that so I just put up with the pressure.  It felt like I was splitting in two down there.  Doctor H came out of surgery about a quarter to 10 and checked me.  I had just a rim left but said he had delivered me before, I could push past it.  That's right...now let me do some work and get this baby out!  I pushed twice and suddenly they were scrambling all over.  He yelled at me to pant and jacked the bed up into the air.  I'm doing my best to not push or scream, but I really couldnt help it.  He told me with each scream it was releashing energy in the wrong place.  I was REALLY trying NOT to, but it was more of an involentary thing.  I was silent with Luke, but I was feeling EVERYTHING with Daniel.  Each push ended with a last release that came from my vocal chords.  I told the doctor, still not pushing at this point, that I could feel the baby slipping out.  He turned and said, "Ok, GO!"  I pushed...once, twice....and there was my son.  My screaming, bloody, TINY, son.  I balwed.  I kept saying, "Oh, my God, I have two of those now!"  He was out, he healthy, he wasnt crying-YET, and he was beautiful.  The nurses suctioned him out real good and he started crying...and my tears came with him.  Landon was crying, I was crying.  LoL!  It was one of those awesome moments.  I never got that with Luke at all.  I felt so detached from the whole thing with him, but with Daniel it was different.

I made some small talk with the doctor while he was stichting me up.  I like to know the damage done.  No episiotomy, no tearing.  He said I DID tear my urethra and had some small labial lacerations, but nothing too bad.  They cleaned Daniel, lowered the lights, and everyone left but the nurse holding my son.  She undid the sides of my gown and handed me the tiniest thing I have ever held in my life.  I took him with tears in my eyes and just looked at him.  I asked if I could nurse him and she said of course.  He latched on and we laid there for 50 minutes just soaking into each other.  He was so warm!  The lactation consultant came in...waste of her time...and tried to tell me how to breast feed.  Obviously I was fine, but she's...well...different.  I took her with a grain of salt and repostioned him after she left to how we were before and he went back to nursing.  He wasnt too fond of her either.  LoL.

Recovery was much easier this time.  I had a lot of pain in my back and that right hip from the epidural...I was pretty weak in general, but other than that I was fine.  My "lady bits" didnt really start hurting until about a week later at home, and even then it just an irrtating feeling.  NOt really pain.  No pitocin, no episiotomy, no vaccum, no forceps.  I delivered him on my own.  Yes, my vagina felt like a burning ring of fire, but now it's just a distant memory...and I'm thankful for the pain meds I DID have.  I had prayed at first for a labor and delivery just like the one I had, but then decided that a more wise prayer would be to pray for the strength to deal with and handle whatever type God gave me...and he gave me the desire of my heart.

In 8 days we will be upon the one year anniversary of the death of my daughter, but without her death I would not have the precious baby boy I hold in my arms.  Say a prayer for us in the next few weeks...and help us to keep her alive as we celebrate the new little one in our lifes.

The birth of a Rainbow Prt 1

Monday the 14th I went to the doctor for a routine check, not expecting much news, but I was hopeful.  The verdict was 1 1/2 cm with the option to be induced on the 21st.  I took it.  Went home.

The cramping started off and on around noon, after I ate.  I was not surprised as the ONLY time I seemed to have contractions was after a cervical check.  They stopped after a few hours and I went about my day.  I contemplated going to Meijer's to finish up the grocery shopping...I really wanted strawberries and they had them on sale, but then I started cramping again after I ate supper.  I suddenly got this HUGE urge to vacuum the house, which I didnt do and later regretted, but suddenly I was able to actually time the contractions.  NEVER had I EVER been able to do that.  Not even while in labor with Luke.  I started texting my MIL who was going to be one of my support people in the delivery room to let her know what was going on.  It was around 6pm when suddenly there was some blood mixed in with every thing else going on "down there."  I called the hospital around 9pm and they said to lay down and see if they got better...call back in half an hour.  At this point they were about 10-12 minutes apart and NOTHING was making them better at all. 

I laid down on my left side and watched as the contractions got closer and closer.  At the end of my half hour they were 3 minutes apart.  The nurse told me to come on in....I really wasnt having any pain issues at this point at all.  We walked to the car...I joked all the way to the hospital about how we had left the car seat in the front room.  Duh.  I was admitted around 10:30pm and hooked up....and my contractions stopped.  Yeah.

I walked the halls, did the birthing ball, and still my contractions where random and not very strong.  At the same time, I was making cervical changes.  I found that just like at home my contractions got stronger if I laid down.  Thing started picking up once I ignored the nurse and laid down..."trying to get some sleep"  I said.  I was actually told that they were going to keep me till 7am when the doctor came in and let him decide.  I felt awful cause my  MIL had come all the way from Carey, Landon was up...ugh.  It would so be like me for this to be a false alarm.  They were really not planning on anything happening, but said if I had meds and an IV they would have to keep and deliver me.  Around 1am Things got a little rough.  Not too bad, but I didnt want it getting ahead of me.  I was about 3cm and decided we needed to do something to take the edge off to keep my blood pressure down.  Once it starts going up it's hard for me to get it back in check.  I was given Nubain with the promise that it shouldnt slow things down...it would just help with the pain.  All I can say about Nubain is that it's like drinking 2 bottles of wine by yourself.  I was looped, doped, and didnt care that I was in pain.  I was able to get a little sleep, and the next time they checked me I was PAST the magical number for my epidural.  It had SPED me up!  There is a lot to be said for relaxing while in labor!  I was about 6cm dilated when they came to do my epidural.

The rest will come later...up until this point I was still smiling, in a good mood.  I was so shocked.  NOTHING was the same from my labor with Luke.  I was in  pain, but it wasnt nearly all that bad.  I knew they were intense, but I had had worse with kidney stones and cysts.  I was JUST getting to the point to where I was in real pain when the anesthesiologist came in.  I know God had everything to do with this....the situation was so different from the first time...and I had my Landon by my side.

My boys

Ok, so I'm really late doing this, but I've been really busy...Daniel was born on March 15th at 10 am...such a little peanut! I will post his birth story soon. I really want to get all the details down so I dont forget anything! Still, on demand nursing is making it hard to do anything! Thank you for your prayers and support. I appreciate each and every one of them!

Change of Plans!

Looks like little man doesnt like it when momma makes plan!  We are officially IN LABOR!  Doing some bleeding and a ton of cramping.  Labor and Delivery said tonight is the night!  Will see you all later!  Keep us in your prayers...PLEASE!

Daniel is coming!

Being pregnant around the one year was hard...now I discover that I will be DELIVERING then as well.  I knew it was VERY much a possiblity since we learned we were pregnant with our little girl on the 24th and I am due with Daniel the 26th, but I was pretty confident he would come early.  No such luck. 

We just got back from the doctor and I was 1 1/2 cm dilated...despite all that walking I did last week.  Ugh.  My cervix is not thinning out, however, and that causes some problems.  LoL!  She said his head is literally RIGHT there, but because I'm not thinning out, he cant drop any further.  As she was pulling me off the bed she looked at me very sympathetically and asked if I wanted an induction, or to wait.  I would LOVE to go on my own.  Really I would.  I know that it is better for both of us if I just let nature take it's course, but as a pregnant woman who is struggling with the phrase 9 1/2 months pregnant...one who cant hardly get around she's so big...well, that easy way out looks pretty dang good!  So I took it.  LoL!  I would rather get him out now then wait around for God only knows how long and then deal with either pushing out a rather large baby, being induced any way cause he waits too long (again, large baby) or facing a C-section.  I was more or less induced with Luke too so no big deal.

Unless our darling Daniel graces us with his presence this week sometime (full moon!)  He will be evicted from my uterus on Monday, March 21st, at the glorious time of 5am.  Good thing I'm an early riser! 

Almost a year ago...

A year ago I was pregnant, but I had no idea.  We discovered our little peanut had taken up residency on March 24th, 2010.  I remember being so scared and so insanely happy all at the same time.  We found these adorable little poems written from the baby's point of view telling our family members about the upcoming addition.  Luke was in Disney that week and we told him as soon as he came home.  He was so excited!  A few family members were told about our peanut by Luke exclaiming, "I'm a big brother!!"  He had so much fun telling everyone.

I remember feeling like I was glowing from day one.  I was a little nauseous but nothing too bad.  I craved taco bell and steaks cooked medium well.  SO weird for me because I am a die hard WELL cooked type of girl.  As soon as that second line popped up I went to Hobby Lobby and got yarn for a baby blanket.  I crocheted like crazy.  I KNEW in my heart of hearts that it was a little girl.  Just knew.  I would talk to her while I folded clothes, cooked dinner, and any time that was not spent talking to someone else.  We went geo caching a lot last spring and I remember one time we were on the way home and I was feeling so content with life and everything in the world....Landon looked at me and told me I was "a completely different creature."  That I seemed more at ease, more comfortable with life.  That lasted for about two weeks.

Something Is Happening...

As I start this it is almost 3:30am.  I've been up for over an hour.  Each morning/night? is worse.  A little earlier.  It doesnt help that I've been going to bed at about 8pm.  LoL!  Perhaps I need to trade in my early bed time for a nap.  Still, Daniel just woke up so I get to enjoy him squirm a little.

Is anyone else out there prone to separation anxiety?  I know I am.  Especially when I have a pregnancy drawing to an end.  I cant stand for Landon to be out of my sight. I follow him around like a lost puppy unless there is something really holding my attention.  *sigh* scares me to think of how I will be with the hormone changes after birth and him going back to school right away.  I want to throw FMLA in his face and tell him he gets 6 weeks just like I would have, but he's in his last semester and soooo close to finishing!  I'll just have to suck it up...pray for me though.  I had such a hard time with PPD after Luke was born.  Granted, the situation with Daniel is A LOT different, but my body does NOT like those pesky hormones changes one bit.

Aside from the anxiety, Daniel has really dropped.  I can tell when I sit down...I can still breath.  LoL!  There are still moments when he stretches his little legs up in my rib cage, but there is so much pressure around my bladder.  Ugh.  If he lays or hits it just right I get these sharp shooting pains that feel JUST like trying to pass a kidney stone.  OMG.  It's awful. 

I just feel different, you know?  My moods are pretty stable, but I WILL bite your head off and then smile sweetly.  LoL!  That's just me knowing I'm being unreasonable and trying to make up for it.  Hormones again.  I'm really trying to work on those knee jerk reactions, but old habits and all.

Remember the rest of the boys in your prayers too.  Landon is getting nervous, Luke is getting sick again, Dad IS sick.  This sinus stuff is really wiping us all out.  I would LOVE to avoid it with delivery looming so close.  It would be wonderful to be able to breath while pushing. 

37 week check-up

We went in this morning for our 37 week check-up and cervical exam.  I was so excited going in!  My blood pressure was a whopping 102/60ish.  I was so excited I probably raised it 10 points.  LoL!  Even if it DOES spike during delivery that is an awesome number to start out on.  I normally run 102 when I'm NOT pregnant. 

Daniel's heart rate was really good.  Doc was able to get him first try this time.  Apparently the little something that keeps poking out of me is, in fact, his butt.  LoL!  Silly boy.  It hurts because he does it all the time, but it's so tiny!  The last time we were in we met with the nurse practitioner who guessed we would be in labor this weekend at the very latest.  Dr. H today told us that we basically will not be meeting our little man until around St. Patty's day at the earliest.  I bout cried.  I KNOW they have no idea about these things, but the man has seen enough pregnant women in his day to have an idea.  Plus, I'm not really cramping a lot...my poos are normal.  LoL.  I was 1cm dilated and 25% effaced.  Baby is down and ready to go...eventually.

We were really hoping for a sooner delivery since Landon is on spring break.  It would have been great to have him here to help me out, instead it looks like I will just another thing to do.  LoL!  His narcolepsy makes him like another kid half..well 3/4... of the time.

Wait, I think you're missing one....

I have been thinking about this post for awhile and am finally getting around to posting it.  Holly recently had a similar experience and reminded me of what happened.  All of you Baby Lost momma's know there is one question you dread more than any other...THE question.  Not the ultimate question...42 is too easy of an answer to spit out.  LoL.  I'm talking about the much feared, "How many children do you have?"  Recently this has taken the form of some variation of, "So how many does this make for you?"  *sigh*  Normally I just say it's my second.  I know the easy way is not always the right way, but I just get so tired of it.  This time it was a little different.  Here's what happened...

I went up to get my mail last week and our neighbor, who's daughter is expecting in June, was just leaving her driveway.  She had her husband stop and rolled down the window.  I was expecting the, "Oh, my!  Not much longer!"  comments.  Sure enough, they came.  I smiled and was happy to answer.  We are getting so close!  Luke was just getting out of our car in the drive way and heading to the house with his book bag when she asked me, "so this makes 2 for you now?"  Ugh.  There it was.  I smiled and really just wanted to confuse her because I was annoyed that she asked me, but she didnt know.  "No. This is my third."  The look on her face was priceless as she scanned the yard, looked at me like I had forgotten something, and then I seen her mentally tick through the years...none of which she had EVER seen another child in the yard.  I was starting to get uncomfortable....wondering if she was going to ask where the other went....when she smiled at me and said, "That's so wonderful!  Do you think you'll try for number 4?!"  I was floored.  No one had ever had that response before.  It made me feel good that she had not, verbally at least, negated my Nessa's existence, and I was very impressed that she was able to hide her surprise and know that something had happened along the way to make one of my children disappear from my life.  For all I know she prolly thinks I had one even earlier than Luke and gave it up, but she still didnt ask.  She just happily went on with the conversation.  I was so thankful that, for once, I didnt walk away from that question depressed.

Sinuses Take....well, 3 or 4.

Yesterday I started feeling congested and stuff again...nothing too bad, but it was there.  Went to bed at about 7pm.  I knew something was up when I slept almost all night.  Got up feeling like that Mac Truck from December came back and flattened me all over again.  I was rather looking forward to having a baby within the next week and a half, but it seriously would not work when I cant breath!  Perhaps adrenalin works as a natural decongestant and will clear it up...at the same time I've heard that labor will wait till a sinus infection clears up.  I'm hoping the former is the true one.  LoL!  Please send prayers our way...that this goes away real soon, and also that Luke doesn't catch it again.  Wouldn't that just be the icing on the cake?

The Home Stretch

Thinking back I remember month upon month upon month of wishing...waiting...freaking out each and every month.  I remember standing in the baby dept. with tears in my eyes because I wanted another so bad.  I hated being pregnant, but I couldnt get that feeling I had the first time I laid eyes on Luke out of my head.  I have a super low pain tolerance and super high anxiety.  I remember watching them take him over to clean him up...laying there staring at him...and knowing in that instant that I would do it all over again in a heart beat, no questions asked.  Now, 6 1/2 years later, I find myself 50 pounds heavier wondering what in the world I was thinking. 

I think our bodies are programed to think this way.  It's a sort of way to help us get past the pain of childbirth.  Yes, I'm excited as all get out to meet this little one, but I'm even more excited to have this pregnancy over.  I'm done with the weight, done with the fat, done with being treated like I cant do anything.  I'm over the fat on my thighs, over living in my bathroom, and over the waddle.  I'm finished with the mood swings, finished with the anxiety, finished with all the unknown.  I will feel better when I am the only person inhabiting this bloated body, when I can see with my own two eyes that my son is healthy, and when the entire process is done and over with.  Then I will be able to relax.  When I find myself dwelling on all the things that COULD go wrong...or thinking about the pain I'm about to willing throw myself into...I think of all the things that I will be able to do in just a few days...weeks...whatever.

I cant wait to cuddle my son.  I cant wait to have my lap back for Luke.  I want to get my clothes line up and be able to use it.  I want to get the garden out.  I'm so super excited to cuddle and nurse a baby again.  I cant wait until I hold each of my son's in my arms at the same time.  I want to see my husbands face when that screaming little lump comes out.  I want to watch my older son as he meets his baby.  I want to take my youngest and show him off to the world...Look at what we did!

I WILL, however, miss being able to gain weight with an excuse, will miss feeling him move, getting the hiccups, and sticking his little butt out at odd angles.  That's about it.  LoL!

This sunday we are officially term.  Dr. H's practioner has estimated that we wont go much farther than that.  Monday we have an appointment with Dr. H himself and I'm seriously thinking about seeing if he will "speed things along."  Landon starts spring break that day and it would really be great to be able to have him home those first few weeks.  If Daniel comes while class is in session he plans on going back the very next day...leaving me at home to take care of the house, get Luke to and from school, recover myself, and deal with a newborn....all alone.  Keep us all in your prayers please.  None of us really know what to expect and it feels like this entire house is holding it's breath...just waiting on little Daniel to relieve our tension.

Spring Blog Party

I'm feeling rather "springy" today so I linked up with Dancing Barefoot on Weathered Ground for Lynnette's spring blog party.  The sun is finally shining here and I have some rugs out drying on the railing of the steps (my "clothes line" until the real one is up) so I figured, why not!


What is your comfort food/drink?
Food: chocolate.  I'm addicted.  Badly.

Drink: Sweet tea.  REAL sweet tea.  I'm convinced you have to be southern born to make it right though.  Unless you are my MIL.  That woman makes some good sweet tea.


Be brave – tell us something very random and weird about yourself.
I HATE cleaning my bathroom and unloading my dishwasher.  The bathroom is the smallest room in the house and takes the least amount of time, but I hate that chore.  As far as the dishwasher...I will load that thing up with dirty dishes ANY day, but I down right HATE unloading it and putting away the clean ones.


Do you have a strong desire to do something you’ve never done? What is it?
Hmmm.  Cloth diaper.  LoL!  I'm so excited for this little one to come so that I can put his butt in some of this fluff laying around!  I'm convinced that delivery will be much easier for me if they just hold a cloth diaper down there and tell me to place the baby in the diaper.  LoL!


Books: Fiction, Non-Fiction, Romance, Biographies, True Stories, Self-Help, Devotional/Study? 
What are your favorite types of reading material?
Fiction.  I like to get lost in another reality entirely.  I'm a sucker for the Harry Potter series...and The Hitch Hiker's Guide. 

Music: Funk, Rock, Country, Jazz, Classical, Film Score, Blues, Classic Rock, Crooner, Alternative, Heavy Metal, Techno? What are your favorite types?
Man, where to start.  I grew up on classic rock.  I LOVE jazz, enjoy playing the blues, and would rather sing Opera.  Our radio is stuck on KLOVE and my husband and I share a slightly unhealthy obsession with Frank Sinatra.  Some of my favorite songs are Country and Hip-Hop.    I think you get the picture.

If you inherited a million dollars, what is the first thing you would do with your money?
House.  Nothing extravagant.  I want the one next door.  New car, pay off bills.  The rest gets saved back.  Seriously.  I dont really WANT of earthly things.  I just want to be comfortable, not have to worry.  I enjoy saving money much more than spending it.  I would probably take some and get some chickens, honestly.  My personal splurge would be egg producers.  LoL!

Name one weakness of yours (confession is good for the soul).
I'm very gullible.  I will believe just about anything you tell me. 

If you could live anywhere at all (and take all your loved ones with you), where would you go?
Turks and Caicos.  Landon and I went there a few years ago for his cousins wedding at the Beaches resort there.  I fell in love with the place.  That million dollars would probably send me back for a week too.  It's also the place Landon proposed to me.

Strange Talent? Can you juggle basketballs, put your legs behind your head or perform some other strange feat?
I make milk.  You?

What’s something you consider yourself to be good at? (Don’t worry, it’s not bragging, it’s acknowledging a God given gift).
Domestic things.  I LOVE taking care of my family.  I cook, I clean, I mow, I garden, and I love each and every minute of it.  I did the work thing and I was MISERABLE the entire time.  Now that I'm home taking care of my boys and my house....well, I've honestly never been happier.

What is one of your favorite things to catch a whiff of?
Polo Black.  Landon wore that cologne when we first started dating.  I also love Baby Magic lotion, lilacs, and the smell of fish.  Seriously.  I grew up on a fishing boat and it's just not summer with out the smell of rotting fish carcass.  LoL!

If money wasn’t a factor, what stores would you shop in?
Saving money is a game to me so I'd shop the same places.  I would, however, splurge a little in places like Hobby Lobby.  Love me some craft supplies!

What is your greatest fear or strange phobia?
Ok, this is strange when you think about how far modern medicine has come, but I'm scared to death that I will die in child birth.  Yeah, me of all people.  Little miss "I love babies, want so many" is scared out of her mind.  Each time I get pregnant I feel as though I am cheating death in the delivery room.  Does NOTHING for my anxiety.

What is your greatest accomplishment?
My kiddos.  I think that the greatest gift we can give to the Earth...and humanity in general...would be our kids.  The things we teach them, how we raise them.  I hope my legacy is a good one.  Look closely to this picture...there are two of my babies in it.

What are your favorite animals?
Sloths.  They always happy in a "high as a kite" sort of way.  Like they really dont care whats going on around them.  They just take life so easily and always have that goofy grin. 

Brand New

How do you like the new look?!?!  Franchesca did a great job!  She stuck a button on down the page...make sure you check her out!  Thanks, Holly for sending me her way!
Oh, those US pictures you see up there....I'm proud to say that the one on your left is my darling Vanessa, and the strapping young man on the right is my Daniel.  It's so wonderful to see them side by side like that.

Not much has been going on around here.  This weekend was pretty good.  Church yesterday was especially great and I really needed it.  Seems like I actually enjoy the sunday's that I weep through service the most.  LoL!  Women.  Afterward we went over to Carey to visit Lando's mom and had lunch at her church.  SUCH great food.  I'm so thankful to have a MIL who cares so much about me.  Anytime I start getting nervous about delivery I know she is just a phone call away.  She's so excited and relaxed about it all that it's hard to stay anxious after just a few minutes.

Luke is doing so much better since we implemented a few rules regarding manners and respect.  Landon has laid down the southern law of yes/no  ma'm/sir.  Definitely made a difference in Luke.  Kids really do crave boundaries whether they realize it or not.  Landon has been working on what HE says as well...it's so funny to watch them catch each other forgetting.  I try...but I'm so sarcastic at nature.  It's hard.  LoL!  We are trying to plan something special for Luke...a little treat since he's trying to hard.  Today he told me he almost doesnt even have to think about it anymore!  Thank you, God.  :)

Fluff mail came today!  3 almost brand new Happy Heiney's One Size dipes, with inserts, for $28.  I'm pretty much in love.  Luke and I both did a happy dance this afternoon after the mail came!  I have one more shipment coming and then we are doing another wash load.  Luke loves to help me stuff the inserts.  He's going to be so great! 

Pray for the people who were affected by all the flooding today.  There was so much water in places.  Thankfully we were spared, but I know people who lost a lot of really personal and/or expensive things today.  A cousin had her car flooded while in class, my MIL has to move due to basement flooding, a friend lost all of her wedding pictures, and another lost her entire heating unit for her house.  Today was nuts here.  They canceled school due to impassable roads, and we really arent sure if the buses will be able to get down them tomorrow either. 

Belly Painting

Luke stayed home from school today.  I swear they have missed more school this winter than any I can remember.  I've lost count of how many make up days there are.  Today we went down to my grandparents.  I'm not really comfortable being alone this far along especially after how crampy I was yesterday.  We ran into wal-mart to grab a few things and I thought it would be a cute little project to pick up some face paint and turn Luke loose on my belly.  I've always wanted to do it, but could never figure out the right paint, or the holiday would come and go before we got around to doing it.

Luke drew two masterpieces on Daniel and I today.  The first started out as a cat and morphed into a lion after we thought about it.  Daniel in the lions den.  LoL!  Luke had a ball!  Daniel seemed to really enjoy the attention too.

After he was done with his lion he decided he wanted to do something else too.  I told him depending on what he wanted to paint he could use the brush again or try it with his fingers (his idea of painting didnt work too well with the brush and the type of paint we used).  He thought for a second and then his face lit up like Christmas.  He announced his choice and I cried a little.  Not going to lie.  It was all his idea too.  Here are some pictures:

"A rainbow over our rainbow baby, Mom!"
He drives me nuts some days, but I have to say, I have on special little boy!  Well, make that 2 ;)

35 1/2 weeks

Belly time!!!

Yes, my back hurts.  :)  All for the love of rainbows!

Rainbow Babies

I found this while doing a random search today...I thought I would share it with you all.  Made me tear up a bit...but then again, what doesnt.



"Rainbow Babies" is the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it doesn't mean the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy and hope.

35 week check-up

This morning we had our 35 week check up.  Everything seems to be going well.  Daniel is head down and ready to go.  Doc said he more than likely will NOT make it to his due date...coming in about another 2-3 weeks.  Just enough to get him term.  She's not sure, however, what is going on with the size of my belly.  Either he is really long and folded over a few times, or we are looking at a baby who is both really long and about 8 pounds.  Yeah.  8.  She said more than likely it's the latter.  His head is for sure in my pelvis and getting ready to "head out" but more than likely I'm not going to experience him drop since he is so long.  She said he actually has already started given his head position.  She is very optimistic that a vaginal delivery will be fine...I'm scared out of my mind.  I just have this hunch that a c-section is in my future...dreams and stuff.  That could also be because I'm so scared to death of the thought of one.  LoL!  She said not to worry though, that my body would handle it well.

So I guess we are looking at the first half of March instead of the end of it now!  That is at least a relief!

Easter Dresses are Evil

This morning we had our child birth class.  It was very helpful and I'm glad that I insisted we go despite this being my first.  It seems a few things have changed at the hospital and it really helped to ease a few of my fears.  The nurse was pretty great and answered all of our questions very well.  I met a few other momma's who are doing cloth dipes so that was pretty cool!  Guess I'm not so alone in this area after all.  The nurse doing the class kept looking like she was waiting on me to pop into labor at any time.  I was the furthest along in the class by, like, a week, and she refused to do any squatting positions or to REALLY get into practice pushing.  Lol!  It was funny. 

I've been having a lot more braxton hicks.  I remember having them A  LOT with Luke and it was pretty normal, but this time I keep hearing how they should be painless and if they arent you need to call the doc.  These are sometimes pretty intense, but they were with Luke too.  I guess I'll say something monday at the appointment and see what she says.  Would be great to get this show going, but another 2 week wait is ideal.  LoL.

After our class we registered Luke for T-Ball then went and did some shopping.  We stopped at Burlington, one of my ALL TIME fave stores for baby and maternity stuff.  I wasnt really prepared for the onslaught of baby Easter dresses though.  ouch.  I was thinking about what to dress the boys in this year when I walked head long into a huge display of nothing but frilly dresses.  I lost it.  Maybe it was the time of day, maybe I was just tired after the class, maybe it's just "that time of the month" with the full moon and all, but all I could think about was Vanessa and how I was cheated out of my dream of frilly Easter dresses.  *sigh*  Of course, I instantly felt guilty because I should thankful for my boys.  Freaking double edged sword.  I often wonder if it all would have been easier if I hadnt gotten pregnant so soon after loosing her, but I really doubt it.  Perhaps the guilt would have been a little better because I wouldnt be thinking this thoughts so strongly while pregnant with another child.  Things like her due date, first christmas she missed, now her first easter.  Mother's day is hard too, but that's a given.  I suppose that no matter WHEN it had happened there would be SOMETHING to worry and feel guilty about.  It just goes with the territory of being a momma. 

New Look Coming Soon!

I'm so super excited to announce that we are getting a make over!  Yay!  Holly from Caring for Carleigh and Haas Family Blessings so generously shipped a gift my way and my little blog is getting a "professional" touch finally!  No more hunting for generics online!  LoL!  I may be off line for a few days while things get going, but I will keep you all updated as best as I can on the "baby watch". 

Oh, and thank you so much for your prayers, my momma is doing just fine.  She was just released a few hours ago with NOTHING wrong with her...well, medically anyway.  LoL! 

Prayer Requests

Ah, so much better.  I have my sweet little boy back!  After a lot of prayer and implementing a new rule about saying "yes, Ma'm/Sir" and "no, Ma'm/Sir" he is back to the goofy boy I know and love.  We are trying to make more time for him, which I'm sure was part of the problem to begin with, and I've been doing my best to keep my hormones and pregnancy anxiety in check when he's around.  He is doing GREAT at remembering his manners.  The only time we really have trouble with him is when he gets tired, but who can blame the kid?

I'm feeling more and more each day like this baby is just NOT waiting.  I was at the hospital today (my mom is in, more later) and the nurses were ready to admit me right there.  One gave me  3 weeks tops.  I guess we'll see.  I know I'm a lot more tired, cranky, and did I mention tired. LoL!

A few prayer requests:
Tonight is the first overnight Luke is having at his dad's during the week.  He decided he wanted more time with his dad, and they came up with the idea of an overnight on Tuesday's and then they will get him off to school in the morning.  He's quite the creature of habit so it will be interesting to see how he does with such a different setting.  Remember me too.  It's never easy when our babies are away.

Also, my mom called this afternoon and she is in the hospital after having chest pains.  She is NOT saved.  I'm sure she is fine, but they are keeping her overnight and doing more tests tomorrow to make sure.

34 Weeks

So technically I have 6 weeks left...I'm claiming 5.  I just have this hunch he's coming a little early...or maybe it's really wishful thinking.

I'm sooo tired all the time.  ANY amount of house work has me on my butt.  I havent really been feeling well either.  Still congested and coughing, but sometimes nauseous.  I've noticed an increase in the braxton hicks contractions too.  Normally they dont bother me too much, but every once in awhile they knock me on my butt.  I've definetly been cranky too.   I suppose that comes with the territory.  I feel bad because I'm pretty short with Luke all the time, but he's in that stage where he pretty much doesnt listen to what you tell him.  I HATE repeating myself.  You tell him to do something like rinse his dishes...he may do it the first time, but the next he WILL forget.  He's also been really mouthy.  I'm about to pull my hair out.  I have to keep reminding myself that he's already going through a transition from baby to child and being knocked out of that seat for real with Daniel coming probably isnt helping.  But still.  He really knows how to push my buttons.

All of the "nesting" stuff is done except for organizing the area that will be Daniels dresser and changing table.  Grandpa made it and he is almost done.  Monday he is bringing down and I will be able to finish.  Everyone keeps commenting that my house cleaning is nesting, but really I'm doing no more than I would if I werent pregnant.  It just sounds like a lot.  I'm a little concerned with what is going to happen after Daniel is born.  If I so much as take a half a day where I veg out and let the boys do dinner and take care of things the kitchen is a DISASTER.  I cant imagine what it is going to be like if I have a rough recovery like I did with Luke and have to be out for DAYS.  I already told Landon, who is returning to school the day after birth, that he may have to stay with his grandma in Sycamore.  He's narcoleptic so I'm not sure how he will handle the baby being up all night, homework, AND keeping up the house.  He's the messiest of them all any way.  Seriously.  It's the narcolepsy.  He will start something and get distracted and just leave the first project sit...or he'll get ingredients and stuff out...not clean up.  He's really forgetful with stuff like that.  I'm super OCD so if things arent picked up I get crazy...add sleep deprivation to that and the hormone drop and it's a recipe for disaster.  It will be interesting how things go.  I'm sure it will be fine, but I do worry from time to time.


Today was pretty good.  We took Luke sledding and it was so much fun!  It was great to get out of the house.  Of course, being the "off" kid that he has been lately he ended the trip in tears.  He gets tired easy.  We cant plan more than one "outing" in a day because if he gets tired he is a MESS.  After half an hour they wiped out and we had to leave because Luke was hysterical.  He proceeded to mope for the next 3 hours so the rest of the plans for the evening were shot.  I'm not sure why he's so sensitive.  We still have to be really careful about what movies he watches because they give him nightmares.  For example, he cant watch Aladdin after a certain time.  Even the old silent Pink Panther cartoons are a no go.  If there is ANY tension in the show or movie, forget it.  He got Toy Story 3 for Christmas, but after watching it myself I REFUSE to let him watch it.  He's not allowed to even play wii after a certain time because he will have nightmares about the game.

Turkey's Done!

It's official!  My belly button has finally given up the battle and popped!  I really dont see how it has lasted this long, but it did!  Such a little trooper.

We went to the doctor monday morning and my blood pressure was 112 over 60, Daniel's heart beat was AWESOME, and my weight was...well...weight.  LoL!  I'm up to 185, which is almost a  50 pound gain.  I figured I would gain about that much anyway.  Like I said in the other post, I'm not 18 anymore.  My thighs are the thing that really bother me.  It's hard to do simple things like get in bed or walk a lot.  That's probably where I feel the weight the worst.  I read some where that if a pregnant woman has access to good nutrition while she's pregnant...a woman, like in a third world country, stores fat in her thighs to be able to feed her baby for AT LEAST 3 months even if she herself has no access to food.  I'm thinking I'd be good for 6.  LoL!

Baby Shower!

Most of the nation is sitting in front of their TV's watching the Super Bowl...and yes, I have it on, but it's just background noise.  My attention is turned to making out our birth plan and updating the blog.  Yesterday we hit 33 weeks...which means in 5-7 weeks I will have a baby boy cuddled at my breast...scares me to death and thrills me all the same time.

Yesterday was also my baby shower...in the middle of a snow storm.  Yeah.  While God was dumping 4 inches of snow on the county I was eating mexican food, watching people guess how big around I was (which surprisingly didnt bother me), and opening up gift after gift for my Daniel.  I didnt take any pictures, but the girls who threw the shower did.  I have a few of them, but most are not up yet.

This is me and my best friend since elementary school, Katie.  She and I have been through pretty much everything together...are both mothers to two boys now, and are also cousins-in-law.  HaHa!  I was so thankful to her for taking the time out of her super busy schedule to throw me a shower.  She has a 3 year old, 6 month old, works, AND her husband works nights.  She's such a great friend!

We mostly got clothes...as in all but a handful of items.  LoL!  Katie had a TON of clothes from her boys, most with tags still, so we inherited those along with the ones we were given as gifts.  I literally have enough clothes to clothe triplet boys.  LoL!  I'm serious.  Her MIL (Landon's great aunt) gave us a car seat and swing.  It is so cool.  The base also fits the car seat we already had, and the carriers for both the old and new car seat can sit in the swing.  Hard to explain so here is a picture.

Gotta love my new dipes on the floor back there...they are waiting to be washed. 

Here is the car seat carrier in the swing.  Coolest thing ever.  We also got a few toys, packs of sposies, wipes, lotion, and a new boppy with cover.  Daniel did pretty good :)

As far as the whole pregnancy after loss thing...today has been hard.  I still occasionally have dreams and last night was one of those nights.  In the dream I go into labor and everything goes well.  No complications or anything.  Daniel is born screaming and healthy...and then the doctor says, "You're not done.  The next one is right behind him."  Excuse me?  So I push...and push...and out comes a baby girl...who is slightly bigger than Daniel.  The doctor and nurses look her over and, long story short, it ends up being Nessa.  The doctor explains that the D and C must have been incomplete and all this time I was carrying both babies.  Obviously this cant happen as Nessa's due date was Dec. 1 and Daniels is March 27th, but still.  It has an effect on a person.  I remember all these feelings rush through me as I push her out...but I never see her, never get to hold her.  All I know is that there is another I have to deliver..and then they take her and tell me all this stuff.  I woke up half in tears this morn.
  I often wonder about Daniel and how I make him feel.  Does he know how much I love him...does he understand the reason why I have distanced myself from this pregnancy...does he know why mommy cries sometimes like her heart is shattering...Does he know that despite my pain and grief that I need him, love him, and want nothing more than for him to be born safe and happy?  I'm sure he does, but still I wonder at times.

25 is NOT the same as 18

I have recently started realizing that 18 and 25 are NOT at all the same.  Not pregnant any way.  I've never felt my age before so the last few weeks have been odd for me.  Let me explain....

I was 18 when I got pregnant with Luke.  In high school, just me and my dad here at home.  I cooked and cleaned, went to school...I was a trooper.  When I nested I had the entire house done in one evening.  If I didnt it drove me NUTS and there was no sleeping till it was sparkling.  It was during the summer, which of course SUCKED, but at about 35 weeks pregnant I was in my front yard with a hoe making a flower bed...because I wanted to.  By this time people had learned to just leave me alone and let me do whatever insane task I was trying to preform while pregnant.  I hauled the mulch, hoed the ground by and and planted the flowers.  With in a week in rained...we have no down spouting, and the entire thing was ruined.  It was ok though because I was over the flower bed any way.  Ah, pregnancy! 

Fast forward 6 years and we find me pregnant again...this time in the winter.  I  must admit that these hot flashes...excuse me, POWER SURGES...are much more endurable when the wind chill is -15 than when it's 90 degrees outside.  However, as I was cleaning the front room today (yeah, said I was gonna do that 3 days ago, didnt I?) I realised that my body is just NOT taking the crap from me this time around.  For starters, I had planned on having this house smelling entirely of vinegar and pine-sol YESTERDAY.  Yeah.  Kitchen and entry one day, front room and bathroom the next, then the bedrooms last.  Yeah, no.  That didnt happen. 

After the kitchen was done my body pretty much formed a sort of picket line and declared all energy left over to be for Daniel.  I started having wicked bad braxton hicks every night and it didnt help that little man seems to feel the need to BEAT me from the inside out everytime I exert myself.  I'm guessing he's the muscle keeping the energy "behind lines."  I know it's sure working.  I've taken to sewing, researching that crunchy stuff, and planning out the garden for this spring.  Today I felt better, and after sewing some rags up, I decided I would tackle the living room.  I half heartedly wiped down the walls, dusted, and cleaned about one and a half windows before the "muscle" declared himself unhappy.  I retreated to face book.  LoL!  Hubs was going to help me today, but as I was digging my beloved pine-sol I noticed that my window rag was soaked...and not in vinegar.  We keep all of our cleaning under the kitchen sink so you can imagine what happened next.  Landon is currently in town looking for something or other to put my sink back together.

So, the goals for the day are to finish the last wall of the front room (I saved it for last because there are no less than 7 perch, 1 walleye, and 1 small mouth bass hanging on it.), and to do the bedroom.  Not bad...IF the energy bouncer cooperates.  I really want this house done before I bring home all the baby stuff from the shower. 

PS...so FREAKING excited about this shower!  Especially after being snowed/iced in for the entire week.

Wipes are done!

I just finished sewing the last of the cloth wipes!  Of course I am now required to post a picture of them!  They are super cute...a little crude, but hey, they are just for wiping poop!  Personally, for not knowing the machine I was using AT ALL I think they turned out pretty well.  I LOVE the colors!

They are all one color on one side, the other color on the other side.  50 all together.  And best of all...FREE.  Landon's aunt made her daughter a blanket for her senior year of high school out of all of her favorite old t-shirts and sent us the scraps when she heard we were doing cloth wipes.  It was such a fun little project that I'm thinking of taking the shirts I have left and making rags for dusting and cleaning around the house too!

Holy Crap, I'm Starting to CRUNCH

Ok, ok. Im the last person in the world I ever thought would be writing a blog like this.  I'm an uber-conservative woman who sees all that crunchy "green" stuff as liberal propaganda.  Ok, not quite THAT bad, but "green" to me equals hippie dippie person with too much time on their hands.  My momma smoked, drank and did God only knows what while pregnant with me and I turned out fine.  Cloth diapering has ruined me and my child is not even born yet.  *sigh*

~I will admit that this all started as a money saving venture for us.  It started with the diapers.  Seriously though, who DOESNT want to save a few thousand dollars within the first 4 years of their child's life?  I know I would!  Then my attention was directed to that awful incident with the sposie diapers BURNING kids from the chemicals.  Wait....there are chemicals in those things?  What else is lurking in my convenient throw away products?

~After the diapers came the paper towels.  Yes, there is still a roll of them on my counter.  I live in a house with 4 men from 3 different generations.  Not EVERYONE is on board with me, but by me not using them we are STILL using less...saving a little more.  Now my counters are wiped down with old rags and Landon's socks that have gone through divorces while in the dryer.

~Well, if the paper towels are going the way of the dinosaurs..why not the wipes too?  Next thing I know I have spent 2 days with old t-shirts cutting out and sewing 50 cloth wipes....and then I find myself wanting to take the left over t-shirts to make rags for the above mentioned paper towel debacle  simply because it was so much fun to make the wipes that I dont want the fun to end...or all these t-shirt scraps to go to waste.  *sigh*

~I breast feed, that's a given.  Again, started out as a money saver, but my, oh, my what a wonderful way to save!  NOTHING in this world brings me more pleasure than cuddling a baby close and knowing that it is getting EVERYTHING it needs from little old me.  All those anti bodies and nutrients...makes me feel like a super hero!

~Cleaning my house was a challenge this pregnancy...being restricted to what I could and could not use...my windows are now cleaned with vinegar and a little baking soda goes a long way.  I still love my bleach, however, and you cant have it.  :)

~This morning I had the opportunity to sleep in thanks to the ice storm, but hot flashes had me up and in the front room instead.  Next thing I know Im up to my neck researching mama cloth.  OMG.  I'm a tampon girl through and through and here I am looking at cloth pads?!?!  My thinking?  Well, save some money if I can get Hubs to go along with the initial start up...and I'm doing the extra load of laundry anyway with the dipes and wipes.  Then I find out there are nasty chemicals in my tampons as well...not just the wierd TSS ones that my grandma freaks out about, but ones that cause CANCER?  Having had surgery TWICE this past year for HPV cancer is NOT on my "play around with" list.

Then I stumbled across THIS blog and it was like heaven opened up and the angels started singing to me.  Yeah, she's still a little over the top for me, but the title is SORTA crunchy.  I dont think she wants me to just jump on the band wagon...just listen to some suggestions.  Most of them save money any way...like no water bottles.  Reusable ones instead.  Landon and I JUST had this convo the other day.  At the end of it I nearly broke into tears apologizing for being so crunchy lately...and then he asked me if I had any ideas of stopping my dirty little habit of burning my trash out back.  I looked at him like he lost his mind and told him no...and he told me that until I stopped burning holes in the o-zone layer the crunchy people would want very little to do with me.  Words never sounded so sweet ;)

So, yeah, I cloth diaper, breastfeed, use as little additives in my laundry as I can, sing praises to anything I can make out of old shirts, and wash my house in vinegar.....but I take my trash out back and burn it like any other self respecting, southern bred, conservative, red neck.  And I enjoy it.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm waiting on my next shipment of "fluff mail."

A Lesson Learned

Wow, the weather is nuts.  Sleet, ice, wind, and some snowy "stuff."  It's crazy out there.  Of course there was no school today, but we had a little lesson here at the house.  It was entertaining and I really wish I had snapped a picture of it, but in my current state of bloat/joint pain we are doing good to get me to the bathroom.  LoL!

Luke spent the better part of the morning asking WHY.  Why cant mommy see in front of her?  Why is it so important that I keep my things picked up?  Why does mommy complain she's uncomfortable?  We tried to explain to him and he thought it was funny.  Yes, he laughed like he didnt believe us.  I was rather proud of my husband for what happened next.  Just as I was thinking, "If only there was a way to make him see...."  when Landon got up and disappeared to the bedroom.  He came back with a white t-shirt of his and then went to the basement, returning with a soccer ball.  I instantly seen where he was going and started kicking myself for not thinking of it months ago.  He had Luke put on the t-shirt, shoved the soccer ball in it at his belly, and tied it in the back so that the ball stayed in.  We then had Luke do simple things like find his feet, lay on the couch, walk through the house....normal things.  He found his feet by spreading his legs REALLY far apart, complained as he took 10 steps across the floor that he had NO idea what was in front of him, and then finally nearly cried in frustration when I told him he could ONLY lay on his side.  On your back will hurt both you and the baby, on your tummy will hurt your baby, and sitting with your knees to your chin is just cheating cause you moved the ball up.  He was complaining so much after an hour that Landon let him take it out.  He instantly, and VERY sincerely, promised to keep his toys picked up, never whine or dawdle when asked to get something on the floor for me, and swore to never ever make fun of mommy when she "walks" down the basement stairs again.

I'm so thankful to have such a creative husband.  I would have thought of this AFTER the fact and it wouldnt have had the same impact.  My brain just isnt working that fast right now.  It was so cute to see him try to do all those things with that soccer ball shoved in his shirt.  It would have been perfect for both his AND Daniel's scrapbooks, but perhaps I can get him to recreate it for me tomorrow so I can get pictures :)  MAYBE....if he's not to traumatized after today.  LoL!