A Mother's Love

So the solids have already come and gone. LoL!  He was eating solids great, but there was a SERIOUS dip in the amount Daniel was nursing.  I was concerned, but when I weighed him and he had only gained .7 pounds (did ya see the decimal?) in 41 days I decided it was time to get serious.  NO MORE SOLIDS...and I let him trigger my let down reflex and then hand express the fore milk.  No more sugar water for Mr. Jackson!  LoL!  He is doing much better without it.  He actually comfort nurses now!  LOVE that!  And he is also more satisfied after his meal (which are longer too).  It was hard watching him fight for his meals as they were sprayed down the back of his throat.  I'm glad I figured it all out and wised up.  Oh, and he crawls now.  Watch out world!

Luke started first grade yesterday.  He seems to like it, but you never know with that kid.  He's so quite.  He never really talks about what goes on at at school and that sort of bothers me.  Who is he hanging out with?  What do they play?  What was the highlight of his day?  I get very vague answers...always have.  *sigh*  My grandma tells me it's a boy thing, but then why do I hear most of the other boys talking their momma's ears off in the HALL WAY?  I suppose things will get better...or I'll just get used to it.  He's still being a pretty good help around the house...a little mouthy, but we had a serious talk about choosing friends tonight.  I think that may be some of the problem...that and being tired for all that "work" at school ;)

Vanessa has been on my mind a lot lately.  She just has.  I keep thinking about the last dream I had of her and how she said she wants me to be happy.  I am, but sometimes I still feel like I replaced her...regaurdless of what she said.  Did I ever tell you about that one?  Here, let me do it now just in case I didnt....
Not long after I found out I was pregnant with Daniel I had my second (and so far last) dream of Vanessa.  I was very upset about getting pregnant again so soon and I wasnt sure how SHE would handle it.  Yeah, I was worried about my child in Heaven.  Like she was really concerned with being replaced where she is.  But still.  Anyway, in the dream she just sort of appeared.  Behind her it was all white and sort of bright.  Typical "cloudy heaven" look to it.  She looked to be just a bit older than me.  I would say early 30's, but as soon as I seen her I knew it was her.  To myself I thought, "Vanessa.  Wow, she's beautiful."  She looked at me and rolled her eyes like a teenager and said, "Mom, seriously, I'm fine."  Then she smiled at me and her eyes were so kind and sincere.  She said, "I just want you to be happy.  It's ok."  And I woke up.  That was it.  After that night I never once felt bad about Daniel.  The devil tries to trip me up from time to time, but all I have to do is picture that eye roll and her sweet smile, think of the words she spoke to me, and it's all ok.  I cling to those dreams of her like a life line sometimes.  I NEED to know she's happy and ok...and God has allowed her to show me enough so that I know.  I'm so thankful for those dreams.


Ah, kids.  They make us crazy, dont they?  I swear I've aged 15 years in the past one.  I keep waiting for the grey hairs to add to the eye wrinkles.  LoL!  But I love them all so much.  I wouldnt trade a moment of the time I've had with them for anything.