The Home Stretch

Thinking back I remember month upon month upon month of wishing...waiting...freaking out each and every month.  I remember standing in the baby dept. with tears in my eyes because I wanted another so bad.  I hated being pregnant, but I couldnt get that feeling I had the first time I laid eyes on Luke out of my head.  I have a super low pain tolerance and super high anxiety.  I remember watching them take him over to clean him up...laying there staring at him...and knowing in that instant that I would do it all over again in a heart beat, no questions asked.  Now, 6 1/2 years later, I find myself 50 pounds heavier wondering what in the world I was thinking. 

I think our bodies are programed to think this way.  It's a sort of way to help us get past the pain of childbirth.  Yes, I'm excited as all get out to meet this little one, but I'm even more excited to have this pregnancy over.  I'm done with the weight, done with the fat, done with being treated like I cant do anything.  I'm over the fat on my thighs, over living in my bathroom, and over the waddle.  I'm finished with the mood swings, finished with the anxiety, finished with all the unknown.  I will feel better when I am the only person inhabiting this bloated body, when I can see with my own two eyes that my son is healthy, and when the entire process is done and over with.  Then I will be able to relax.  When I find myself dwelling on all the things that COULD go wrong...or thinking about the pain I'm about to willing throw myself into...I think of all the things that I will be able to do in just a few days...weeks...whatever.

I cant wait to cuddle my son.  I cant wait to have my lap back for Luke.  I want to get my clothes line up and be able to use it.  I want to get the garden out.  I'm so super excited to cuddle and nurse a baby again.  I cant wait until I hold each of my son's in my arms at the same time.  I want to see my husbands face when that screaming little lump comes out.  I want to watch my older son as he meets his baby.  I want to take my youngest and show him off to the world...Look at what we did!

I WILL, however, miss being able to gain weight with an excuse, will miss feeling him move, getting the hiccups, and sticking his little butt out at odd angles.  That's about it.  LoL!

This sunday we are officially term.  Dr. H's practioner has estimated that we wont go much farther than that.  Monday we have an appointment with Dr. H himself and I'm seriously thinking about seeing if he will "speed things along."  Landon starts spring break that day and it would really be great to be able to have him home those first few weeks.  If Daniel comes while class is in session he plans on going back the very next day...leaving me at home to take care of the house, get Luke to and from school, recover myself, and deal with a newborn....all alone.  Keep us all in your prayers please.  None of us really know what to expect and it feels like this entire house is holding it's breath...just waiting on little Daniel to relieve our tension.