This Never Gets Easier

As most of you who read my blog know, this pregnancy is my second rainbow.  My pregnancy with my first rainbow was fairly uneventful, but of course, it was nerve wracking.  What pregnancy after loss isn't.  I expected it to be hard emotionally.  I will never forget the feeling of pure thankfulness and joy when my son was born and was healthy.  I cried so many happy tears in that delivery room.  I was afraid they would think I was nuts, but I explained the situation before hand.  Hopefully they understood!

I expected that would be it.  The rest of my pregnancies, if I was blessed with any, would be easy.  I had the "hard" one.  With any subsequent one it would be like my innocence was restored!  Ha!  Wishful thinking!

I have met so many women who have lost.  Women who lost their precious babies at 6 weeks, 12 weeks, 18 weeks, 22 weeks, 27 weeks, 33 weeks, 35 weeks...women who's babies were randomly lost at birth for unknown reasons or the cord was wrapped too tight...I used to think that once I got out of my first trimester I would relax.  That then became, "Once I get to 20 weeks I will relax."  I'm not quite there yet, but already I am thinking, "Once I get to 30 weeks I will relax."  Who am I kidding?  Ignorance is bliss.

I will relax when I am in labor.  Then I wont.  HaHa!  I will relax a little more when the doctor tells me it's time to push.  I will pray for it to all be over as the baby crowns...but will relax a little more when they say they see the head.  Finally, I will cry tears of relief, happiness, and thankfulness when that sweet little bundle is born, crying, healthy, and in my arms.  Until then I will pray.  I will pray and trust the One who takes care of me to also take care of my sweet unborn baby.