Due Date

I need to do a catch up post because sooo much has been going on!  I havent even posted about Thanksgiving yet! Today deserves it's very own one though.  Today is a very special one.  Today was the day that Dr. H said our darling little girl would be born.  Given such a thing is not an exact science...The full moon was last Tuesday.  It REALLY hit me then.  I'm not sure why but I LOST it last Tuesday.  I hadn't really thought much about it and I randomly just started bawling...missing my little girl.  I have been a pretty big grouch all week too.  No matter how much I tried to shove it out of my mind, today's date was hanging over my head.  Yesterday was the worst.  I bawled hysterically for a good hour and pretty much became a hermit all day.  I figured today would be much of the same, but our Vanessa had other plans it seems.

Luke has been begging for snow for a month.  Every morning there was a frost he would FREAK thinking it was snow.  Landon also has this thing where if it is going to be cold out there needs to be snow on the ground.  So I get up this morning...a little bummed, but not depressed like I thought I would be.  I was in the kitchen making lunches and getting breakfast.  Landon had just gotten up and I was headed in to try to wake Luke again.  I looked out the kitchen window...and the ground was covered in snow, and there was more coming down.  I teared up and literally DRUG Luke out of bed.  I would have carried him, but the kid is over my lift limit.  LoL.  I pushed him through the house, threw open the back door and squealed at the poor kid.  He stood there rubbing his eyes.  He was smiling, but soo out of it.  Suddenly it Vanessa popped into my head and I had this feeling it was from her...just for her big brother.  I whispered in his ear that maybe his baby sister knew how much he wanted snow and sent him some since she couldnt be here.  He turned, hugged me so tight.....and ran back to bed.  LoL!  It has really helped though...having the gorgeous snow falling all day long.  It just makes the day feel magical some how.

I know that she is in a better place...she is so happy and will never have a worry in Heaven, but I miss her so much.  There was so much that I didnt get to do with her.  This was supposed to be her first Christmas and it has really been hard getting ready for the holiday without her.  Babies just make Christmas so much more fun.  It really hurt to hang the stockings up and she didnt have one.  So many traditions and stuff that I wanted to pass down with her, but no more.  It really really made me feel so loved to see that snow this morning.  It was something that all three of us were looking forward to this winter, and there it was ON her due date. 

Here is that ornament I found at Menards for Vanessa.  We called her our Peanut so this was perfect!

Also, today was the due date for a dear friend of mine who lost her little girl as well.  Her daughter's name was Emma so please say a prayer for Anna and myself today...and all throughout the Christmas season.