Baby Jax update

The 30 things in 30 days was getting old.  Who really cares about my day or week in detail?  Seriously.  I clean, cook, scrapbook, watch Stargate SG-1, and shuttle Luke around.  In my purse there is junk, keys, lip gloss I never wear, a few bobby pins, a butterfly keychain, Tide to Go, and my phone.  Oh, and wallet. 
Since the loss of my child my bad habit I have developed...well, there are a few.  Butterflies make me cry, ANYTHING makes me cry really but that could be Jax too, I'm more doubtful of things that should make me happy, and I'm just not as trusting.

Ok, that's caught up ;)

I took a belly pic today and seriously couldnt believe it was MY belly in the picture!  LoL!  I'm officially bigger than I was with Luke.  It makes no sense to me as Landon was a tiny baby, and I was on the bigger side of average, but nothing spectacular...9 pounds I think.  Ok, I read that and then think, "Wow, that's a big baby."  Never mind.  Perhaps my kids just take after my chunky babiness.  That's ok, cause I LOVE a little chub on my baby thighs.  LoL!  Now I sound like a cannibal.  I'm just going to stop now.

We are at 18...ALMOST 19 weeks preggo...which is pretty much half way.

We have been listening to Jazz in the evening and the baby goes NUTS!  I cant feel him kick, but there is little ball of pressure that I feel move all over the place.  This one is less active than Luke was, but man does he like to jam out!  We are in the process of getting AC/DC and ZZ Top on my computer too....I tried some tunes from Wicked today, but Daddy got a little upset.  HaHa!


Here is that little survey thing.  I love reading these that other people do so I will probably do it every couple of weeks.

How far along? About 19 weeks

Total weight gain/loss: Right around 20 pounds

Maternity clothes? Of course.

Stretch marks? Yeah, there are few from before getting worse again

Sleep:  Better.  Still having those weird pregnancy dreams that I SOOO will not miss, but sleeping for longer stretches.  Some nights I even get the whole thing.  Yeah, that wont last much longer.

Best moment this week: Getting to order our 2nd round of diapers. 9 fuzzi bunz for $80.  I was pretty excited.

Movement: I dont feel kicks, but I can feel it move around.  It's this little traveling pressure ball. LoL!

Food cravings: Onions.  And I dont normally care for them, but I almost ate one like an apple the other day.  I seriously had to restrain myself.

Anything making you queasy or sick: Bending over or trying to keep up with Landon in a store.  I really cant go that fast any more and it just doesnt agree with Jax to try.

Have you started to show yet: Oh, yes.

Leakage: I am officially uncomfortable wearing a bra without nursing pads.

Gender prediction: Boy.

Labor Signs: Nope

Belly Button in or out? In, but that preggo line is creeping farther and farther up there!  It wont be long till I pop.

Wedding rings on or off? Swelling in my hands has not been as bad.  They are staying on now.

Happy or Moody most of the time: Moody.  But not bad.  Just when I'm tired or hungry

Weekly Wisdom: Never leave the house without a bottle of water (or two), stay near the toilets, and find a place to sit in every store.

Day 25

Your day in great detail.

Oh, you poor things.  I ate, I cleaned, I ate, I clean:

Day 24

Where you live

I live across the street from my old high school, across the yard from my son's elementary school, and we are surrounded by either family or corn.  My aunt is one house north of us, the schools are to the east, grandma is two houses south, and this year we were blessed to have a corn a field to our west.  Next year it will be wheat and soybeans.  I've lived on this property since the day I was born.  My dad grew up next door, where his sister now lives.  I feel guilty most days for wanting to leave this place, but there just isnt much as far as jobs in the area.  In the fall we have the prettiest leaves, in the summer and spring all the storms pass us, and in the winter....well, that's an exception.  It's northern Ohio.
I live in a place where the graduating classes are HUGE if they top 70 and you know EVERYONE, their relatives, and ever scandal to the county line.  It's the type of place that everyone wants to live in, but all the kids move out before their graduation caps even hit the ground.  They come back when they want to have a family of their  own.  We have the type of school that everyone dreams of sending their kids too...the type of place where you know your neighbors.  Yes, we are all dirt poor, but we have each other.  I doubt anyone but the dr's make over $65,000 a year.
In the summer we get the rich aroma from the hog farm over on Lower Leesville Rd.  In the fall all the farmers spray the fields down with cow manure (including the one behind the house), in the winter you are lucky to get out of the drive....and it's not unheard of to not go back to school after Christmas until February.  In the spring everything is new and fresh, and the lilacs by the mail box smell up the whole street.  Summer brings with it heat and humidity, but we rarely complain because we know what lies just around the corner.

 Raking leaves last fall for Luke.

 Playing in the snow making Angels

 My grandparents this summer...we were camping out that night.


Luke and Landon with the campsite this year.  We try to camp out once a year at least.

 Luke and one of our old cats in the back yard a few years ago...it had been corn the previous year as well :)

Our campsite from two years ago.  Our garage and house in the back ground...my aunt's is the tan one on back with the green shutters.

Day 23

A You Tube video that makes you laugh.

I dont really watch youtube.  Seriously.  Man, am I a loser or what?!?!

On another note, TODAYS MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!  Perhaps a birfday post is in order later to let you all know how the day goes :)

Day 22

A website that has been helpful since your loss.

I spent a lot of time on Carleigh's blog just to know that I wasnt alone.  Other than, I surprising found a lot of support on facebook of all places.  There were a few people who made my life hell for awhile, but over all everyone of my friends were so supportive.


Keep me in your prayers this weekend.  Tomorrow is my birthday and for some reason I'm really really struggling with Vanessa not being here.  I cant explain why.  I wish I knew.  All I know is that every time I open a card her name is the first one I look for....and it's never there because everyone else just wants to pretend that she never happened and go on with life.  It breaks my heart to not see that name on a card.  Last night my grandparents threw me a small birthday party at fish fry and spent a good half hour in the bathroom crying because I was missing a child.  My heart ached all evening last night as if I had lost her all over again.  I dont know why I feel like this all of a sudden, but there it is.  We have a lot planned for tomorrow so hopefully the boys can keep my mind occupied.  Too bad it's my heart I worry about.

Days 19-21

Getting a little behind on this.  SLACKER! 

Day 19-A talent of yours

Hmm.  The boys love my cooking and everyone always points to my music.  I play, well, a lot of instruments and sang in both the OSU chorus and women's ensemble with classical opera being my main love.  That's about the only thing I miss about college.  I've often thought of going back to the chorus (it's open to the public) but something always comes up in life that keeps me from committing from it.

Day 20-A hobby of yours and how it has changed since your loss

Oh, I have a ton.  Cooking and cleaning being the ones I do the most, obviously, but there are a ton others.  I love scrapbooking, but really dont have the time (or money) for it right now.  I just went through the pictures on my computer yesterday and seperated them all out to be printed as soon as someone has a sale.  I also really enjoy crocheting. I started a blanket as soon as I found out I was pregnant.  I worked on it every chance I got morning or night.  The day I lost her I finished the row I was on, tied it off and didnt touch a piece of yarn for MONTHS.  It wasnt until I was pregnant with Jax that I really started again.

Day 21-A recipe

Sorry.  you'd have to kill me first :)  Honestly I dont have many.  I just throw stuff together.  I have started trying to write stuff down the past few years, but it's hard to measure dashes and pinches.

Ah, that's better!

Boys, dont read any further.  This post deals with issues such as lactation and will only make you turn pink.


Any way.  I love how everything I have read says that you should expect your breasts to start leaking during the 3rd trimester....yet mine are...NOW...at 17 weeks.  I LOVE it.  LoL!  No seriously.  There is something about lactating that makes me feel like body is working properly.  At the same time, I wonder what engorgement is going to be like later on.  It's not bad, but enough now that I need to express a few drops at night or I'm so uncomfortable I cant sleep.  My breast pads are my new best friend all over again.

On the home front, the house is coming along nicely.  We have to move around a ton of stuff and send some furniture to the basement just to get the baby's dresser in, but I've almost got it done.  Just one more bookcase to empty then move and it's done.

I have my first order of dipes already here, and the second is on the way this weekend.  Once those get here we will have almost all of our newborn size dipes in.  After that we are using the one-size so that they will grow with Jax and we wont have to keep buying more as he grows.  You should see Luke with them.  He thinks cloth dipes are the coolest things ever!  That's my boy!  I love how they have such cute patterns and colors.  I think it will make it even more fun for Luke when Jax gets here...he can pick which cool dipe his bubby gets to wear :)