Day 22

A website that has been helpful since your loss.

I spent a lot of time on Carleigh's blog just to know that I wasnt alone.  Other than, I surprising found a lot of support on facebook of all places.  There were a few people who made my life hell for awhile, but over all everyone of my friends were so supportive.


Keep me in your prayers this weekend.  Tomorrow is my birthday and for some reason I'm really really struggling with Vanessa not being here.  I cant explain why.  I wish I knew.  All I know is that every time I open a card her name is the first one I look for....and it's never there because everyone else just wants to pretend that she never happened and go on with life.  It breaks my heart to not see that name on a card.  Last night my grandparents threw me a small birthday party at fish fry and spent a good half hour in the bathroom crying because I was missing a child.  My heart ached all evening last night as if I had lost her all over again.  I dont know why I feel like this all of a sudden, but there it is.  We have a lot planned for tomorrow so hopefully the boys can keep my mind occupied.  Too bad it's my heart I worry about.