30 Posts in 30 Days

She is mentioned a few times...there are butterflies all over the back ground you are looking at...so why do I still feel as though there is an elephant in the room?  I actually feel convicted if someone asks me how many children I have and I tell them 2.  As soon as the words come out of my mouth I tear up.  I do not have 2 children, I have 3.  Yes, three.  Luke, Vanessa, and Baby Jax.  Yes, Vanessa. 

October is International Infant and Baby Loss month or something along the lines.  The 15th is the actual Pregnancy and Baby Loss day.  We will be joining in with other parents who have suffered a loss and lighting a candle for our little girl at 7pm local time.  The idea is that if everyone around world lights a candle and leaves it for an hour...there will be a continuous wave of life around the world for 24 hours.  Actually we are doing 6 in remembrance of a few very close friends and family members who have lost babies.  Sadly we could have lit more than 6, but the candle holder only holds 6.  

Along with the whole theme for October being "our" month for those who lost little ones too soon, a few women have put together a "30 posts in 30 days" sort of journal thing to do.  Just to collect thoughts.  You never know who might stumble across your blog and need a word of encouragement, or just to know that someone out there is struggling as well (as I did this morning).  Needless to say, I'm 12 days behind.  I just stumbled on it and thought I might as well jump on the band wagon.

Day One~~A song that reminds you of your child.

Wow, where to begin.  There are so many.  Obviously "Glory Child" and "Held".  "Held" is the second song on the playlist over in the margin.  As we were sitting in the doctor's office waiting to get called in for our first ultrasound with Vanessa they played Kelly Clarkson "Already Gone" which really just set the mood for the entire next week of my life.  Brad Paisley "Who You'd Be Today" sets me off everytime too.  Right after we lost her I couldnt listen to the radio at all, but I'm able to hold it together better now.

Day Two~~A movie that helped you get through the hard times

There isnt really one.  I did watch a lot of Harry Potter just for the escape I suppose.

Day Three~~A television show that either helped you get through your loss or really moves you

Yeah, no.  I dont really watch a lot of TV.  I spent of the months after loosing Vanessa just with Landon.

Day Four~~Your favorite book.  Has it changed?

I'm like Holly here.  I would love to tell you that I read my Bible more, but I dont.  I have never been very good at that which is really surprising considering how much I LOVE to read.  Landon reads to me at night to help my mind not wander before I go to sleep.  It really helps a ton.  We have been trying to get through Harry Potter for awhile now.  Just started the 6th book last week.

Day Five~~Your Favorite Quote

Psalm 139
For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.
 ¹ O LORD, you have searched me
       and you know me.  ² You know when I sit and when I rise;
       you perceive my thoughts from afar.
 ³ You discern my going out and my lying down;
       you are familiar with all my ways.
 ⁴ Before a word is on my tongue
       you know it completely, O LORD.
 ⁵ You hem me in—behind and before;
       you have laid your hand upon me.
 ⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
       too lofty for me to attain.
 ⁷ Where can I go from your Spirit?
       Where can I flee from your presence?
 ⁸ If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
       if I make my bed in the depths, ^[a] you are there.
 ⁹ If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
       if I settle on the far side of the sea,
 ¹⁰ even there your hand will guide me,
       your right hand will hold me fast.
 ¹¹ If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
       and the light become night around me,"
 ¹² even the darkness will not be dark to you;
       the night will shine like the day,
       for darkness is as light to you.
 ¹³ For you created my inmost being;
       you knit me together in my mother's womb.
 ¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
       your works are wonderful,
       I know that full well.
 ¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
       when I was made in the secret place.
       When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
 ¹⁶ your eyes saw my unformed body.
       All the days ordained for me
       were written in your book
       before one of them came to be.
 ¹⁷ How precious to ^[b] me are your thoughts, O God!
       How vast is the sum of them!
 ¹⁸ Were I to count them,
       they would outnumber the grains of sand.
       When I awake,
       I am still with you.
 ¹⁹ If only you would slay the wicked, O God!
       Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!
 ²⁰ They speak of you with evil intent;
       your adversaries misuse your name.
 ²¹ Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD,
       and abhor those who rise up against you?
 ²² I have nothing but hatred for them;
       I count them my enemies.
 ²³ Search me, O God, and know my heart;
       test me and know my anxious thoughts.
 ²⁴ See if there is any offensive way in me,
       and lead me in the way everlasting.

Not a quote, but is always where I end up.

Day 6~~ Twenty things that calm you

I'm going to stop here cause this is getting long.  I'll do the rest tomorrow to catch up.
1.Taking a walk
2.Reading
3.Getting out of the house
4.Cleaning
5.Cooking
6.Gardening
7.Luke
8.Baby Jax
9.Landon
10.Mindlessly surfing the "web"
11.Back rubs :)
12.A good hot bath
13.Scrapbooking
14.Mowing

Sadly I cant get 20.  I'm seriously stuck at 14.  HaHa!  I think that goods though, we'll call it a day here.  Untill tomorrow.....