Brand New

How do you like the new look?!?!  Franchesca did a great job!  She stuck a button on down the page...make sure you check her out!  Thanks, Holly for sending me her way!
Oh, those US pictures you see up there....I'm proud to say that the one on your left is my darling Vanessa, and the strapping young man on the right is my Daniel.  It's so wonderful to see them side by side like that.

Not much has been going on around here.  This weekend was pretty good.  Church yesterday was especially great and I really needed it.  Seems like I actually enjoy the sunday's that I weep through service the most.  LoL!  Women.  Afterward we went over to Carey to visit Lando's mom and had lunch at her church.  SUCH great food.  I'm so thankful to have a MIL who cares so much about me.  Anytime I start getting nervous about delivery I know she is just a phone call away.  She's so excited and relaxed about it all that it's hard to stay anxious after just a few minutes.

Luke is doing so much better since we implemented a few rules regarding manners and respect.  Landon has laid down the southern law of yes/no  ma'm/sir.  Definitely made a difference in Luke.  Kids really do crave boundaries whether they realize it or not.  Landon has been working on what HE says as well...it's so funny to watch them catch each other forgetting.  I try...but I'm so sarcastic at nature.  It's hard.  LoL!  We are trying to plan something special for Luke...a little treat since he's trying to hard.  Today he told me he almost doesnt even have to think about it anymore!  Thank you, God.  :)

Fluff mail came today!  3 almost brand new Happy Heiney's One Size dipes, with inserts, for $28.  I'm pretty much in love.  Luke and I both did a happy dance this afternoon after the mail came!  I have one more shipment coming and then we are doing another wash load.  Luke loves to help me stuff the inserts.  He's going to be so great! 

Pray for the people who were affected by all the flooding today.  There was so much water in places.  Thankfully we were spared, but I know people who lost a lot of really personal and/or expensive things today.  A cousin had her car flooded while in class, my MIL has to move due to basement flooding, a friend lost all of her wedding pictures, and another lost her entire heating unit for her house.  Today was nuts here.  They canceled school due to impassable roads, and we really arent sure if the buses will be able to get down them tomorrow either. 

Belly Painting

Luke stayed home from school today.  I swear they have missed more school this winter than any I can remember.  I've lost count of how many make up days there are.  Today we went down to my grandparents.  I'm not really comfortable being alone this far along especially after how crampy I was yesterday.  We ran into wal-mart to grab a few things and I thought it would be a cute little project to pick up some face paint and turn Luke loose on my belly.  I've always wanted to do it, but could never figure out the right paint, or the holiday would come and go before we got around to doing it.

Luke drew two masterpieces on Daniel and I today.  The first started out as a cat and morphed into a lion after we thought about it.  Daniel in the lions den.  LoL!  Luke had a ball!  Daniel seemed to really enjoy the attention too.

After he was done with his lion he decided he wanted to do something else too.  I told him depending on what he wanted to paint he could use the brush again or try it with his fingers (his idea of painting didnt work too well with the brush and the type of paint we used).  He thought for a second and then his face lit up like Christmas.  He announced his choice and I cried a little.  Not going to lie.  It was all his idea too.  Here are some pictures:

"A rainbow over our rainbow baby, Mom!"
He drives me nuts some days, but I have to say, I have on special little boy!  Well, make that 2 ;)

35 1/2 weeks

Belly time!!!

Yes, my back hurts.  :)  All for the love of rainbows!

Rainbow Babies

I found this while doing a random search today...I thought I would share it with you all.  Made me tear up a bit...but then again, what doesnt.



"Rainbow Babies" is the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it doesn't mean the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy and hope.

35 week check-up

This morning we had our 35 week check up.  Everything seems to be going well.  Daniel is head down and ready to go.  Doc said he more than likely will NOT make it to his due date...coming in about another 2-3 weeks.  Just enough to get him term.  She's not sure, however, what is going on with the size of my belly.  Either he is really long and folded over a few times, or we are looking at a baby who is both really long and about 8 pounds.  Yeah.  8.  She said more than likely it's the latter.  His head is for sure in my pelvis and getting ready to "head out" but more than likely I'm not going to experience him drop since he is so long.  She said he actually has already started given his head position.  She is very optimistic that a vaginal delivery will be fine...I'm scared out of my mind.  I just have this hunch that a c-section is in my future...dreams and stuff.  That could also be because I'm so scared to death of the thought of one.  LoL!  She said not to worry though, that my body would handle it well.

So I guess we are looking at the first half of March instead of the end of it now!  That is at least a relief!

Easter Dresses are Evil

This morning we had our child birth class.  It was very helpful and I'm glad that I insisted we go despite this being my first.  It seems a few things have changed at the hospital and it really helped to ease a few of my fears.  The nurse was pretty great and answered all of our questions very well.  I met a few other momma's who are doing cloth dipes so that was pretty cool!  Guess I'm not so alone in this area after all.  The nurse doing the class kept looking like she was waiting on me to pop into labor at any time.  I was the furthest along in the class by, like, a week, and she refused to do any squatting positions or to REALLY get into practice pushing.  Lol!  It was funny. 

I've been having a lot more braxton hicks.  I remember having them A  LOT with Luke and it was pretty normal, but this time I keep hearing how they should be painless and if they arent you need to call the doc.  These are sometimes pretty intense, but they were with Luke too.  I guess I'll say something monday at the appointment and see what she says.  Would be great to get this show going, but another 2 week wait is ideal.  LoL.

After our class we registered Luke for T-Ball then went and did some shopping.  We stopped at Burlington, one of my ALL TIME fave stores for baby and maternity stuff.  I wasnt really prepared for the onslaught of baby Easter dresses though.  ouch.  I was thinking about what to dress the boys in this year when I walked head long into a huge display of nothing but frilly dresses.  I lost it.  Maybe it was the time of day, maybe I was just tired after the class, maybe it's just "that time of the month" with the full moon and all, but all I could think about was Vanessa and how I was cheated out of my dream of frilly Easter dresses.  *sigh*  Of course, I instantly felt guilty because I should thankful for my boys.  Freaking double edged sword.  I often wonder if it all would have been easier if I hadnt gotten pregnant so soon after loosing her, but I really doubt it.  Perhaps the guilt would have been a little better because I wouldnt be thinking this thoughts so strongly while pregnant with another child.  Things like her due date, first christmas she missed, now her first easter.  Mother's day is hard too, but that's a given.  I suppose that no matter WHEN it had happened there would be SOMETHING to worry and feel guilty about.  It just goes with the territory of being a momma. 

New Look Coming Soon!

I'm so super excited to announce that we are getting a make over!  Yay!  Holly from Caring for Carleigh and Haas Family Blessings so generously shipped a gift my way and my little blog is getting a "professional" touch finally!  No more hunting for generics online!  LoL!  I may be off line for a few days while things get going, but I will keep you all updated as best as I can on the "baby watch". 

Oh, and thank you so much for your prayers, my momma is doing just fine.  She was just released a few hours ago with NOTHING wrong with her...well, medically anyway.  LoL! 

Prayer Requests

Ah, so much better.  I have my sweet little boy back!  After a lot of prayer and implementing a new rule about saying "yes, Ma'm/Sir" and "no, Ma'm/Sir" he is back to the goofy boy I know and love.  We are trying to make more time for him, which I'm sure was part of the problem to begin with, and I've been doing my best to keep my hormones and pregnancy anxiety in check when he's around.  He is doing GREAT at remembering his manners.  The only time we really have trouble with him is when he gets tired, but who can blame the kid?

I'm feeling more and more each day like this baby is just NOT waiting.  I was at the hospital today (my mom is in, more later) and the nurses were ready to admit me right there.  One gave me  3 weeks tops.  I guess we'll see.  I know I'm a lot more tired, cranky, and did I mention tired. LoL!

A few prayer requests:
Tonight is the first overnight Luke is having at his dad's during the week.  He decided he wanted more time with his dad, and they came up with the idea of an overnight on Tuesday's and then they will get him off to school in the morning.  He's quite the creature of habit so it will be interesting to see how he does with such a different setting.  Remember me too.  It's never easy when our babies are away.

Also, my mom called this afternoon and she is in the hospital after having chest pains.  She is NOT saved.  I'm sure she is fine, but they are keeping her overnight and doing more tests tomorrow to make sure.

34 Weeks

So technically I have 6 weeks left...I'm claiming 5.  I just have this hunch he's coming a little early...or maybe it's really wishful thinking.

I'm sooo tired all the time.  ANY amount of house work has me on my butt.  I havent really been feeling well either.  Still congested and coughing, but sometimes nauseous.  I've noticed an increase in the braxton hicks contractions too.  Normally they dont bother me too much, but every once in awhile they knock me on my butt.  I've definetly been cranky too.   I suppose that comes with the territory.  I feel bad because I'm pretty short with Luke all the time, but he's in that stage where he pretty much doesnt listen to what you tell him.  I HATE repeating myself.  You tell him to do something like rinse his dishes...he may do it the first time, but the next he WILL forget.  He's also been really mouthy.  I'm about to pull my hair out.  I have to keep reminding myself that he's already going through a transition from baby to child and being knocked out of that seat for real with Daniel coming probably isnt helping.  But still.  He really knows how to push my buttons.

All of the "nesting" stuff is done except for organizing the area that will be Daniels dresser and changing table.  Grandpa made it and he is almost done.  Monday he is bringing down and I will be able to finish.  Everyone keeps commenting that my house cleaning is nesting, but really I'm doing no more than I would if I werent pregnant.  It just sounds like a lot.  I'm a little concerned with what is going to happen after Daniel is born.  If I so much as take a half a day where I veg out and let the boys do dinner and take care of things the kitchen is a DISASTER.  I cant imagine what it is going to be like if I have a rough recovery like I did with Luke and have to be out for DAYS.  I already told Landon, who is returning to school the day after birth, that he may have to stay with his grandma in Sycamore.  He's narcoleptic so I'm not sure how he will handle the baby being up all night, homework, AND keeping up the house.  He's the messiest of them all any way.  Seriously.  It's the narcolepsy.  He will start something and get distracted and just leave the first project sit...or he'll get ingredients and stuff out...not clean up.  He's really forgetful with stuff like that.  I'm super OCD so if things arent picked up I get crazy...add sleep deprivation to that and the hormone drop and it's a recipe for disaster.  It will be interesting how things go.  I'm sure it will be fine, but I do worry from time to time.


Today was pretty good.  We took Luke sledding and it was so much fun!  It was great to get out of the house.  Of course, being the "off" kid that he has been lately he ended the trip in tears.  He gets tired easy.  We cant plan more than one "outing" in a day because if he gets tired he is a MESS.  After half an hour they wiped out and we had to leave because Luke was hysterical.  He proceeded to mope for the next 3 hours so the rest of the plans for the evening were shot.  I'm not sure why he's so sensitive.  We still have to be really careful about what movies he watches because they give him nightmares.  For example, he cant watch Aladdin after a certain time.  Even the old silent Pink Panther cartoons are a no go.  If there is ANY tension in the show or movie, forget it.  He got Toy Story 3 for Christmas, but after watching it myself I REFUSE to let him watch it.  He's not allowed to even play wii after a certain time because he will have nightmares about the game.

Turkey's Done!

It's official!  My belly button has finally given up the battle and popped!  I really dont see how it has lasted this long, but it did!  Such a little trooper.

We went to the doctor monday morning and my blood pressure was 112 over 60, Daniel's heart beat was AWESOME, and my weight was...well...weight.  LoL!  I'm up to 185, which is almost a  50 pound gain.  I figured I would gain about that much anyway.  Like I said in the other post, I'm not 18 anymore.  My thighs are the thing that really bother me.  It's hard to do simple things like get in bed or walk a lot.  That's probably where I feel the weight the worst.  I read some where that if a pregnant woman has access to good nutrition while she's pregnant...a woman, like in a third world country, stores fat in her thighs to be able to feed her baby for AT LEAST 3 months even if she herself has no access to food.  I'm thinking I'd be good for 6.  LoL!

Baby Shower!

Most of the nation is sitting in front of their TV's watching the Super Bowl...and yes, I have it on, but it's just background noise.  My attention is turned to making out our birth plan and updating the blog.  Yesterday we hit 33 weeks...which means in 5-7 weeks I will have a baby boy cuddled at my breast...scares me to death and thrills me all the same time.

Yesterday was also my baby shower...in the middle of a snow storm.  Yeah.  While God was dumping 4 inches of snow on the county I was eating mexican food, watching people guess how big around I was (which surprisingly didnt bother me), and opening up gift after gift for my Daniel.  I didnt take any pictures, but the girls who threw the shower did.  I have a few of them, but most are not up yet.

This is me and my best friend since elementary school, Katie.  She and I have been through pretty much everything together...are both mothers to two boys now, and are also cousins-in-law.  HaHa!  I was so thankful to her for taking the time out of her super busy schedule to throw me a shower.  She has a 3 year old, 6 month old, works, AND her husband works nights.  She's such a great friend!

We mostly got clothes...as in all but a handful of items.  LoL!  Katie had a TON of clothes from her boys, most with tags still, so we inherited those along with the ones we were given as gifts.  I literally have enough clothes to clothe triplet boys.  LoL!  I'm serious.  Her MIL (Landon's great aunt) gave us a car seat and swing.  It is so cool.  The base also fits the car seat we already had, and the carriers for both the old and new car seat can sit in the swing.  Hard to explain so here is a picture.

Gotta love my new dipes on the floor back there...they are waiting to be washed. 

Here is the car seat carrier in the swing.  Coolest thing ever.  We also got a few toys, packs of sposies, wipes, lotion, and a new boppy with cover.  Daniel did pretty good :)

As far as the whole pregnancy after loss thing...today has been hard.  I still occasionally have dreams and last night was one of those nights.  In the dream I go into labor and everything goes well.  No complications or anything.  Daniel is born screaming and healthy...and then the doctor says, "You're not done.  The next one is right behind him."  Excuse me?  So I push...and push...and out comes a baby girl...who is slightly bigger than Daniel.  The doctor and nurses look her over and, long story short, it ends up being Nessa.  The doctor explains that the D and C must have been incomplete and all this time I was carrying both babies.  Obviously this cant happen as Nessa's due date was Dec. 1 and Daniels is March 27th, but still.  It has an effect on a person.  I remember all these feelings rush through me as I push her out...but I never see her, never get to hold her.  All I know is that there is another I have to deliver..and then they take her and tell me all this stuff.  I woke up half in tears this morn.
  I often wonder about Daniel and how I make him feel.  Does he know how much I love him...does he understand the reason why I have distanced myself from this pregnancy...does he know why mommy cries sometimes like her heart is shattering...Does he know that despite my pain and grief that I need him, love him, and want nothing more than for him to be born safe and happy?  I'm sure he does, but still I wonder at times.

25 is NOT the same as 18

I have recently started realizing that 18 and 25 are NOT at all the same.  Not pregnant any way.  I've never felt my age before so the last few weeks have been odd for me.  Let me explain....

I was 18 when I got pregnant with Luke.  In high school, just me and my dad here at home.  I cooked and cleaned, went to school...I was a trooper.  When I nested I had the entire house done in one evening.  If I didnt it drove me NUTS and there was no sleeping till it was sparkling.  It was during the summer, which of course SUCKED, but at about 35 weeks pregnant I was in my front yard with a hoe making a flower bed...because I wanted to.  By this time people had learned to just leave me alone and let me do whatever insane task I was trying to preform while pregnant.  I hauled the mulch, hoed the ground by and and planted the flowers.  With in a week in rained...we have no down spouting, and the entire thing was ruined.  It was ok though because I was over the flower bed any way.  Ah, pregnancy! 

Fast forward 6 years and we find me pregnant again...this time in the winter.  I  must admit that these hot flashes...excuse me, POWER SURGES...are much more endurable when the wind chill is -15 than when it's 90 degrees outside.  However, as I was cleaning the front room today (yeah, said I was gonna do that 3 days ago, didnt I?) I realised that my body is just NOT taking the crap from me this time around.  For starters, I had planned on having this house smelling entirely of vinegar and pine-sol YESTERDAY.  Yeah.  Kitchen and entry one day, front room and bathroom the next, then the bedrooms last.  Yeah, no.  That didnt happen. 

After the kitchen was done my body pretty much formed a sort of picket line and declared all energy left over to be for Daniel.  I started having wicked bad braxton hicks every night and it didnt help that little man seems to feel the need to BEAT me from the inside out everytime I exert myself.  I'm guessing he's the muscle keeping the energy "behind lines."  I know it's sure working.  I've taken to sewing, researching that crunchy stuff, and planning out the garden for this spring.  Today I felt better, and after sewing some rags up, I decided I would tackle the living room.  I half heartedly wiped down the walls, dusted, and cleaned about one and a half windows before the "muscle" declared himself unhappy.  I retreated to face book.  LoL!  Hubs was going to help me today, but as I was digging my beloved pine-sol I noticed that my window rag was soaked...and not in vinegar.  We keep all of our cleaning under the kitchen sink so you can imagine what happened next.  Landon is currently in town looking for something or other to put my sink back together.

So, the goals for the day are to finish the last wall of the front room (I saved it for last because there are no less than 7 perch, 1 walleye, and 1 small mouth bass hanging on it.), and to do the bedroom.  Not bad...IF the energy bouncer cooperates.  I really want this house done before I bring home all the baby stuff from the shower. 

PS...so FREAKING excited about this shower!  Especially after being snowed/iced in for the entire week.

Wipes are done!

I just finished sewing the last of the cloth wipes!  Of course I am now required to post a picture of them!  They are super cute...a little crude, but hey, they are just for wiping poop!  Personally, for not knowing the machine I was using AT ALL I think they turned out pretty well.  I LOVE the colors!

They are all one color on one side, the other color on the other side.  50 all together.  And best of all...FREE.  Landon's aunt made her daughter a blanket for her senior year of high school out of all of her favorite old t-shirts and sent us the scraps when she heard we were doing cloth wipes.  It was such a fun little project that I'm thinking of taking the shirts I have left and making rags for dusting and cleaning around the house too!

Holy Crap, I'm Starting to CRUNCH

Ok, ok. Im the last person in the world I ever thought would be writing a blog like this.  I'm an uber-conservative woman who sees all that crunchy "green" stuff as liberal propaganda.  Ok, not quite THAT bad, but "green" to me equals hippie dippie person with too much time on their hands.  My momma smoked, drank and did God only knows what while pregnant with me and I turned out fine.  Cloth diapering has ruined me and my child is not even born yet.  *sigh*

~I will admit that this all started as a money saving venture for us.  It started with the diapers.  Seriously though, who DOESNT want to save a few thousand dollars within the first 4 years of their child's life?  I know I would!  Then my attention was directed to that awful incident with the sposie diapers BURNING kids from the chemicals.  Wait....there are chemicals in those things?  What else is lurking in my convenient throw away products?

~After the diapers came the paper towels.  Yes, there is still a roll of them on my counter.  I live in a house with 4 men from 3 different generations.  Not EVERYONE is on board with me, but by me not using them we are STILL using less...saving a little more.  Now my counters are wiped down with old rags and Landon's socks that have gone through divorces while in the dryer.

~Well, if the paper towels are going the way of the dinosaurs..why not the wipes too?  Next thing I know I have spent 2 days with old t-shirts cutting out and sewing 50 cloth wipes....and then I find myself wanting to take the left over t-shirts to make rags for the above mentioned paper towel debacle  simply because it was so much fun to make the wipes that I dont want the fun to end...or all these t-shirt scraps to go to waste.  *sigh*

~I breast feed, that's a given.  Again, started out as a money saver, but my, oh, my what a wonderful way to save!  NOTHING in this world brings me more pleasure than cuddling a baby close and knowing that it is getting EVERYTHING it needs from little old me.  All those anti bodies and nutrients...makes me feel like a super hero!

~Cleaning my house was a challenge this pregnancy...being restricted to what I could and could not use...my windows are now cleaned with vinegar and a little baking soda goes a long way.  I still love my bleach, however, and you cant have it.  :)

~This morning I had the opportunity to sleep in thanks to the ice storm, but hot flashes had me up and in the front room instead.  Next thing I know Im up to my neck researching mama cloth.  OMG.  I'm a tampon girl through and through and here I am looking at cloth pads?!?!  My thinking?  Well, save some money if I can get Hubs to go along with the initial start up...and I'm doing the extra load of laundry anyway with the dipes and wipes.  Then I find out there are nasty chemicals in my tampons as well...not just the wierd TSS ones that my grandma freaks out about, but ones that cause CANCER?  Having had surgery TWICE this past year for HPV cancer is NOT on my "play around with" list.

Then I stumbled across THIS blog and it was like heaven opened up and the angels started singing to me.  Yeah, she's still a little over the top for me, but the title is SORTA crunchy.  I dont think she wants me to just jump on the band wagon...just listen to some suggestions.  Most of them save money any way...like no water bottles.  Reusable ones instead.  Landon and I JUST had this convo the other day.  At the end of it I nearly broke into tears apologizing for being so crunchy lately...and then he asked me if I had any ideas of stopping my dirty little habit of burning my trash out back.  I looked at him like he lost his mind and told him no...and he told me that until I stopped burning holes in the o-zone layer the crunchy people would want very little to do with me.  Words never sounded so sweet ;)

So, yeah, I cloth diaper, breastfeed, use as little additives in my laundry as I can, sing praises to anything I can make out of old shirts, and wash my house in vinegar.....but I take my trash out back and burn it like any other self respecting, southern bred, conservative, red neck.  And I enjoy it.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm waiting on my next shipment of "fluff mail."

A Lesson Learned

Wow, the weather is nuts.  Sleet, ice, wind, and some snowy "stuff."  It's crazy out there.  Of course there was no school today, but we had a little lesson here at the house.  It was entertaining and I really wish I had snapped a picture of it, but in my current state of bloat/joint pain we are doing good to get me to the bathroom.  LoL!

Luke spent the better part of the morning asking WHY.  Why cant mommy see in front of her?  Why is it so important that I keep my things picked up?  Why does mommy complain she's uncomfortable?  We tried to explain to him and he thought it was funny.  Yes, he laughed like he didnt believe us.  I was rather proud of my husband for what happened next.  Just as I was thinking, "If only there was a way to make him see...."  when Landon got up and disappeared to the bedroom.  He came back with a white t-shirt of his and then went to the basement, returning with a soccer ball.  I instantly seen where he was going and started kicking myself for not thinking of it months ago.  He had Luke put on the t-shirt, shoved the soccer ball in it at his belly, and tied it in the back so that the ball stayed in.  We then had Luke do simple things like find his feet, lay on the couch, walk through the house....normal things.  He found his feet by spreading his legs REALLY far apart, complained as he took 10 steps across the floor that he had NO idea what was in front of him, and then finally nearly cried in frustration when I told him he could ONLY lay on his side.  On your back will hurt both you and the baby, on your tummy will hurt your baby, and sitting with your knees to your chin is just cheating cause you moved the ball up.  He was complaining so much after an hour that Landon let him take it out.  He instantly, and VERY sincerely, promised to keep his toys picked up, never whine or dawdle when asked to get something on the floor for me, and swore to never ever make fun of mommy when she "walks" down the basement stairs again.

I'm so thankful to have such a creative husband.  I would have thought of this AFTER the fact and it wouldnt have had the same impact.  My brain just isnt working that fast right now.  It was so cute to see him try to do all those things with that soccer ball shoved in his shirt.  It would have been perfect for both his AND Daniel's scrapbooks, but perhaps I can get him to recreate it for me tomorrow so I can get pictures :)  MAYBE....if he's not to traumatized after today.  LoL!