Early Spring Cleaning

I decided to jump start my spring cleaning today and the kitchen is nearly done.  I normally spend a day in each room, but it's getting harder to be up on my feet and climbing around so it's going to take a little longer...at least there.  On the plus side, the walls are wiped, windows cleaned, curtains washed, cabinets wiped, and the entry way is done too.  Tomorrow we will tackle the appliances, the rest of the dishes, the counters, and the stove.  In between buckets of water I was taking breaks to sew together my cloth wipes, but my dad's sewing machine is really weird and for the life of me I cannot get the bobbin re-threaded.  I nearly chucked it into the wall at one point.  It was then that I decided that washing walls was more therapeutic than sewing.  LoL!  I would have LOVED to get the laundry done today too, but the washer was acting up again.  Hopefully it behaves the rest of the week cause I've got some dipes coming in!

The front room really wont take that long, just a matter of sweeping, windows, the walls, curtains, and vacuuming the furniture if my back cooperates.  Normally I can do that and the bathroom all in the same day.  I'm hoping that this week goes by faster than last with all the cleaning.  It really felt like last week would NEVER end.  I dont know why.

Saturday is my baby shower and I've decided that if anyone comments about how "huge" I am I'm just walking out.  I really cannot take it any more.  I've always been sort of inwardly touchy about my size even when NOT pregnant.  After Luke was born I came very close to developing an eating disorder.  It's just healthier for me to stay away from the comments.  I begrudingly went to the grocery store today...cause if I didnt the boys would starve all week...and drug my feet about it till after 1pm.  I get there and my back is killing me, my hip is threatening to go out of place, and I feel like I'm about 3 feet away from the cart I'm TRYING to push.  A lady I know walks up to me and asks if I'm ok.  I say, "Yes.  I just feel really huge.  My back is killing me."  She sort of chuckles at me and says, "well, honey, that's because you are!"  She then goes on and on about how tight all my clothes are.  *sigh*  I feel guilty for the banana I just ate....at the same time I want a dozen cookies because if I'm going to be the size of house I might as well enjoy what I'm eating.

On that note, it's time to start supper...and then I get to go back out in public to get Luke from school.  If you hear of a pregnant woman getting thrown in jail for homicide in central Ohio....That's me.

I just need to vent

I'm pregnant, I'm hormonal...please just bear with me for a second while I vent a little bit.

Does NO ONE on this planet realize how incredibly hurtful it is to comment about someone else's size?  If you see an over weight person on the street you do not walk up to them and tell them they look as though they are going to explode, they are the size of a house, or if they saved any food for anyone else.  You dont see people doing that because it is rude and hurtful to the other person.  Why is it then that if that person is PREGNANT they must endure countless comments about their size?  "Are you SURE it's not Twins because one looks like it was hiding during the US"...."You'll never make it to your due date with out exploding"..."You are literally the size of a house!"...."Watch out!  Here comes the pregnant woman!  Make room!"....."I swear you doubled in size the past two weeks!"...."Maybe it's triplets!"..."Man, that's going to hurt coming out."..."You REALLY think you can loose all that weight?"   I could go on and on and that is just the things I've heard today....in church.  Yeah.  And people wonder why I dont leave my house.  My grandma is the worst of them all.  She literally cannot let 15 minutes go by without a comment about my size.  I'm not exaggerating because I timed her today.  Seriously.

I'm 32 weeks pregnant.  I'm miserable.  I'm tired and hungry and hot all the time.  And now I have to endure fat comments at every turn.  That makes me feel much better about myself.  Thanks. 

It has gotten to the point to where I dont even respond.  I literally just glare at them and then turn around and walk away.  The kicker...they DONT get the hint.  Landon tried to gently hint to someone that a pregnant woman should not be told such things and they proceeded to VERY sarcastically tell me I looked amazing and was glowing.  I mean it was DRIPPING.  I seriously dont even want to take my son to and from school during the week because I'm afraid I'll have to talk to someone who will make a comment about my size and then I'll go off on them.  The next person who says anything will be met with, "Would you say that to me if I wasnt pregnant?  Then dont say it now, please."



Ok....off my soapbox.  Thanks for letting me get all that off my chest.  You guys are great!

Thankful for the Pain

I was laying in bed last night...trying to go to sleep...and of course this is normally when our squirmy little one wants to wake up and play.  He will start poking and rolling...snuggling around when he's had his fill of playing.  I will giggle, occasionally complain when his pokes are too hard and they hurt, chase him around poking him back to get him to do it more.  Silly mom.  Last night I felt a few snuggles and then nothing.  I rubbed my belly, poked around, and talked to him.  All the things that make me look like a nut job, but he loves so who cares.  NOTHING. Couldnt find him to save my life.  I was so confused and honestly starting to get a little scared.  Did I stand up wrong off the couch and squish him?  Did he wrap the cord?  Why is he so still?  Landon came in and laughed at me, but I was concerned.  I just lost one baby lets please not play around with this one.  And then Landon spoke and I felt this little flutter deep in my hip and towards the back of my spine...and it dawned on me...He HATES to be cold and here I was shirt up, covers off just staring at my belly.  He's nuts over Landon enough (poor kid) that hearing his voice got him to give up his hiding place.  I burst into relieved/nervous laughter and covered up my belly.  Landon looked at me funny and I said, "He's cold!"  His response was, " Well Duh, mom!  That wiggle was his way of saying 'Really Dad?  This is my mom?  She doesnt even know I hate the cold!'"  As soon as this exchange was over I felt a very familiar little squirm start in my hip and continue until it had reached it's favorite spot on my right side, on the mattress of the bed, just above my hip.  He then continued his show by poking the living daylights out of me for 15 minutes.  It hurt like the dickens and I reveled in each and every jab.


It's moments like these that make me realise that no matter how far along I am I just cant relax.  I wont feel at ease until he is OUT and in my arms.  Up until that moment he is handed to me I'm probably going to be living in some degree or another of anxiety and fear that something is going to happen.  I often get the "hand it over to God" lecture....but I have an issue with that.  If God took my Nessa, who's to say that He wont decide to do it again?  I do my best, but I just cant fully trust that all is ok.  I've heard too many horror stories since our miscarriage about babies who got tangled up in the cord as they were descending and died, or wrapped the cord around a leg and got hung up in there...stuff like that.  All I can do is pray that Daniel is fine, and try to accept that he is. 

It really helps when you are greeted each morning with a few dozen kicks and jabs :)

*Sigh* Here we go Again

I was NEVER sick my entire pregnancy with Luke.  NEVER.  I thought pregnancy must give you some ubber awesome immune system to protect the baby.  Wow, was I ever wrong. 

My doctor explained to me, after my HPV flared up out of no where leaving me fearing cancer while pregnant, that pregnancy actually SUPPRESSES your immune system.  (By the way, biopsy results came back last week and all is well).  It made sense after I thought about it that way.  One immune system with two bodies.  I can see how that would put a damper on things.  I didnt realise that I would eventually be cringing in literal terror every time my kindergartener got within 4 feet of me.  Seriously.  I dread him coming over near me because he has been sick off and on since Christmas....which of course means I have been too.  Each time I get better he gets sick...and then I get it again.  I have spent the past two days going EVERYWHERE behind him with disinfectant wipes because he cant keep his hands out of his mouth or nose and then he has to randomly touch EVERYTHING he walks past.  I finally made him stay in his room at one point. 

So then I get up this morning and I feel feverish, but my temp is 96.something, my throat is sore, my nose is clogged, and my entire head is congested.  Thanks Luke.  If I'm lucky it will go no farther and in a few days I will be fine, however, this is EXACTLY how the bronchitis started.  Yeah.  They warned me that EVERYTIME I get ANYTHING upper respiratory from here on out I am more than likely looking at bronchitis.  It was THAT bad before.  I feel horrible for not wanting to be around Luke, and we've tried explaining it but he doesnt seem to understand....but I just really cant afford to be sick like that again.  On the plus side, he is spending this weekend with his dad so hopefully that will give me a few days to recoup...and KEEP the house disinfected.  *sigh*

30 week checkup

Today I had my 30 check up with Dr. H and it was so full of good news!  Daniel was pretty much all over the place while I was in the waiting room.  I was wondering if they would able to get his heart beat he was soooo squirmy, but Doc had no trouble whatsoever!  He put the doppler down and there was Daniel, chugging along!  He must have been really up close because his heart beat was so clear and loud.  I think the doctor was having as much fun listening as I was because he just sort of left it there and listened even after declaring him "perfect." 

After having Eclampsia while in labor with Luke....and Pre-E for a few weeks before hand, my blood pressure is a HUGE issue with me.  I normally run around 104 so they say to add 30 points for your hypertension rate if you run low...that puts me at 134 ish as my trouble zone.  If I get around 120 I'm concerned though.  It's one of those things that once it starts going it keeps going...plus you never know about labor.  Today it was only 112!!!  I was so thrilled!

After gaining so much weight through out my pregnancy I was concerned about that.  You normally gain so much weight at the end, but I had only put on a single pound in the past 2 weeks!  I guess my body finally figured it out that it had had enough.  Thankfully.  I dont really eat much junk, mostly fruit, but I will admit to a sweet tooth ;)  Most of my weight is in my thighs, butt, and belly.  Hopefully we can keep it down!

All my blood work came back normal...no gestational diabetes and all the levels looked great.  I was a little concerned about my iron, but the black strap molasses must be doing the trick.

We go back Feb 7...the monday after the baby shower.  Pray that we keep getting good news...and for me too.  i have so much trouble with my anxiety and with labor looming so close ahead of me...well, you can imagine. 

What's in a Name?

I dont think I ever posted about Daniel's name and where it all came from.  We pulled from so many places, but it is a name that means so much to us....

Daniel..."God is my judge"  I love Biblical names.  That one is a given...however, those of you  who have watched the show Stargate know of a character named Daniel Jackson.  This was my geek compromise.  LoL!

Coleman..."Dove"  This one we choose because it is the middle name of Landon's best friend, Vance.  Vance is rather an awesome person.  He has muscular dystrophy, is 28, and has never been in a wheel chair, drives a stick shift still, and never seems to let his condition get him down.  He's quite an inspiration.  It was a no brainer for us to name our first child after him.

Patrick..."Noble"  After loosing Vanessa I became aware of how much it means to someone who has lost a child to have that child remembered and honored.  Patrick was the name given to a child my grandma lost at about 22 weeks gestation.  She still marks his birthday on the calender and we try to get out to "visit" his grave a few times a year.  I wanted him remembered....so many of these children are just pushed under the rug like they never existed.

So there you have it.  It's rather lengthy, but it has so much meaning to us.

Daniel Coleman Patrick Jackson

There will be no doubt in his head when he is in trouble ;)

Braxton...OW...Hicks...OW....

Here is the link to that blog I was telling you about yesterday...the one about the geocaching sheep.

I was just commenting last night about how I hadnt had any real trouble with Braxton Hicks so far.  I remember having them all the time with Luke from about 25 weeks on.  I had an issue once this pregnancy, but I had gotten upset over something.  I dont even remember what it was about. LoL!  Seems I spoke too soon...of course.  I was out with my grandparents today and I forgot to take my handy dandy water bottle along with me.  With in a few hours I was feeling it. Daniel expressed his displeasure, but there wasnt much I could do.  LoL.  I got some water when we stopped for lunch and all was well.  Crazy how those things work. 


Little man has been rather active today.  He's pretty much all over and wiggly.  We found a onesie at Wal-mart last night I REALLY want to get him.  It has a little caterpillar on it and says squirmy.  Too perfect for Daniel!

Geocaching Stones

I just had this awesome idea...I need to write it down before I forget so here it is..Lol!

I was just reading about Calypso and looking at her name photos when I came across the one from Treasure Beans.  "What a beautiful stone," I thought to myself.  LoL....then I was reading about how you can order then and the photograph them in your own favorite places...Hmmmm.  We dont have the money to order one, but I'm rather crafty...why not make one?  But take it to OUR favorite places?  Now this is just God working all over, people.  I have to tell you about a hobby Landon and I have.....

We are cachers.  We geocache.  It's a high tech hide and seek/treasure hunt game...some of you might have heard of it...if you follow me long enough you will find out I'm obsessed with it.  Recently at the blog highlighted above they ran an article about a couple who took a stuffed sheep and had it's picture taken at every cache they found.  People loved the sheep and couldnt wait until the sheep came to find THEIR geocache.  "Very cool," I thought, "would be a fun thing to do."  No idea what to use, but it was cute.

While I was pregnant with Vanessa we geocached our hearts out.  After she was gone it was our outlet.  We got out of the house and for a few hours it was just us, the road, a GPS, and a cache to find.  On our stats page our most active months EVER of caching are last March through May.  After that there is a real drop where I got really depressed and just mowed the yard.  LoL.  But for a small window of time it was what we did with Vanessa...that was our thing with her.  I have NOTHING else that stands out from that time other than pain....geocaching was my escape.

So back to the stone.  After May I just couldnt cache anymore.  She was gone and it was starting to remind me of her because we had done so much of it.  Lately the bug has hit me again to go out, but that may just be from being cooped up all winter too.  But what if I could take her with me again?  The day of my D and C we went out...yes, I had just had surgery to rip my child from my womb and THAT EVENING I went caching.  I had to get out.  Landon had given her the name Vanessa while I was put under because it means "Butterfly".  That evening he found a butterfly clip thing in a cache...he brought it to me and I bawled.  It has gone with me to each and every cache since then...But the stone...I could make a stone, with her name all pretty and take pictures of that at the caches we find....Nessa may no longer be able to physically cache with us, but our butterfly clip proves that she is still there.  Even the day that she physically left us we were given that reminder.

So why not just take pictures of the butterfly?  Quite frankly it's ugly and had it been of anything else I would have dropped it in the next cache we found, but I cant help but associate butterfly's with Nessa and I just cant drop the dumb thing.  The stone would be so much prettier!  It would do her some justice.

30 weeks

I have posted this twice now and keep deleting instead of posting...I'm smart like that.  LoL!  Any way, here is the 30 week belly pic!  I'm really starting to feel it.  I'm very thankful for this pregnancy, but I'm ready for it to be over now.  I will say, winter pregnancies are much easier than the summer ones.  Ugh. 

Daniel is still pretty active, but just the last few days I can really tell that he's starting to run out of room.  His movements are more jabs and pokes and not quite as often.  It no longer feels like a 3 ring circus in there...more like a disgruntled baby.  LoL!  Not too much longer!

The Wishing Tree

9 Months ago today I laid in the ultrasound room at Dr. H's office and he confirmed our first fears...our little girl was gone.  I was so scared...so hurt...so many things all at once.

Today her name has been added to the 2011 Wishing Tree.  Please check it out and read the little story on the left hand column that tells about the Tree.  It is such a wonderful idea and a great way for our little one's to be remembered.

First Diaper Wash!

First off, I want to thank those of you who were praying for our Luke.  He came home from school yesterday and was my goofy lil man again!  It was so wonderful to hear him laugh again!

Today I was able to wash the dipes out.  I have really been wanting to do this since I got them, but I was good and waited!  We have well water and it doesnt run in very fast...not to mention that from time to time the pipes spit out sediment into the water.  I read you should do the loads on large, but there was NO way the pump or the hot water heater was going to keep up so I pushed it back to a medium.  That really helped!  In the first rinse all my inserts and breast pads turned black from sediment...I was FREAKED out, but it all rinsed out in the wash cycle...thankfully.  I added both lemon juice and vinegar (lemon at the beginning, vinegar in the last rinse) because there were some stains in the diapers that the previous owners could not get out, and the breast pads had NEVER been washed correctly.  Everything came out looking AWESOME!  It was so wonderful to pull those fresh clean dipes out of the dryer and stuff the liners back in.  I think the only thing that would have brought me more joy is if they were out back on a clothes line!  I really love this staying home thing.  I hope and pray that we are able to keep it this way.  I can stay home and cook, clean, do dishes, laundry...work myself to the bone, but in any other setting I am miserable.  I feel like this is truly where I am supposed to be...what I'm supposed to do.  I cant wait until Daniel comes! 

My baby shower is in a few weeks and I will know more about how many more dipes I need.  I'm really hoping to either get some more, or to get some money that we can use towards them.  I have NO problem buying second hand!  Those suckers are expensive and my kids are just going to poop in them any way.  I just keep telling myself that it's more or less free after the first few months....no $20 a week going to the landfill!

Luke

Man, I dont know what has been up with Luke, but I'm at my wits end.  He's fine all day until about 7 or 8pm and then he mopes, cries at the drop of a hat, and just looks like his world is about to end.   He refuses to talk to any one about anything.  Nothing is wrong, nothing is bothering him.  He doesnt know what's wrong.  No, he's excited about the baby.  No, he's not tired.  No, he's not sad.  No, he's not upset.  He will cry at EVERYTHING.  Seriously.  It's bed time, cries.  He needs to put away his book, cries.  Supper is done, cries.  I know he's sort of high strung and he has a tendancy to be anxious, but never like this.  Eventually he will talk...normally to Landon...but he's completely clammed up.

I cant help but wonder if it has something to do with Daniel.  He seems excited about it most of the day, but that is the only I can think of that he would be anxious about.  We are all over our viruses, he's been back in school for going on two weeks, and I've been trying to make sure things are more structured around the house.  That seems to help normally.  He craves structure, always has.  Things got nuts around the holidays with us all being sick, no school, he was back and forth at his dad's.  I hope it's just a mixture of everything and he will be fine in a few days, but this has been going on for a WEEK now.  I'm so frustrated I could cry.  I hate seeing him like this, but I dont know what else to do!  Please pray for him, that whatever is bothering him will resolve itself...or that he will open up to us so we can help him.  Something.  I just want my happy go lucky little boy back.

It's official

I have bronchitis.  At almost 29 weeks pregnant.

I had chronic bronchitis as a kid (cigarette smoke allergy) and it was NEVER this bed.  Wow.  No sleep, feels like there's an elephant on my chest...ugh.  I called Luke's pediatrician since he's still hacking around and they said not to worry...it's more than likely on it's way out.  I was thankful cause I didnt take him to the doctor.  Talk about feeling like the worst mother ever, but I honestly never thought it was bronchitis.  The nurse said his was more than likely just a virus (like I thought) and I had caught that from him...with me being pregnant it pretty much turned straight into this crap.  Lovely.

I also have a family member I would like to bring to your attention...for prayer.  She has Endometriosis and has a really hard time carrying babies.  They have had numerous miscarriages, and normally keep them quite, but I just got word that she has lost another little one.  She has two little girls and is an amazing mother...she's so great with her girls.  I know they really want another...which only makes this that much harder.  I guess the next step they are taking is a fertility specialist.  Please keep this family in your prayers.  I hate to see someone hurt like this...especially such great people and parents.

Happy New Year!

 We are all still alive...all sick, but still here.  Landon came down with this congestion stuff the night we returned from Georgia, passed it to Luke by Christmas eve, and today I seem to officially have it.  Luke is doing the best on the road to recovery.  It seems to be viral and as though it will clear on it's own if given enough time.  I think the reason Landon's has hung on so long is that we didnt know how to treat it at first so his meds have had a harder time playing catch up.  It starts out slow and then just when you think it's clearing up it hits you like a mac truck in the chest.  With Luke we just put him straight on a decongestant, expectorant, suppressant cocktail.  Landon was a little more hit and miss....me, well, there's not much I can take so I'm just really hopped up on Vitamin C.  LoL!  I dont think I have ever ate so much fruit in my life.  I dont feel that bad, just full in my chest.

Even being sick we had a pretty good Christmas.  Luke got a few Wii games, some pj's, undies, legos, helmet for his go cart, clothes, toys...the usual haul. LoL!  I think Landon and I have had more fun with is Epic Mickey game than he has.  Lynsey got him Mater's Tall Tales, which he LOVES.  LoL!  He officially declared her the best Aunt ever upon opening it. 

Today marks  28 weeks...and we are officially in the 3rd trimester!  FINALLY!  He is so much more active too!  Little man is all over the place pretty much all of the time.  We have dubbed him and Luke Thing 1 and Thing 2.  I have a feel that together they are going to give me a run for my money.  LoL!  I cant wait!  Dad and Landon keep making fun of me because I have all of my newborn size clothes in the front room.  Every day I unfold them, lay them out, refold them, restack them, move the piles....we do this a few times each day.  I'm trying really hard to not do laundry and pack hospital bags, but it's getting really hard now that I can say I'm in my 3rd trimester.  Just something about knowing that makes me NEED to be completely prepared at all times to be able to grab them and go.  With Luke I think I packed my bag the week before.  LoL!  I suppose that is the difference between being 18 and unplanned and 25 and some what planned.  LoL.  I know what to expect and I cant wait!  HaHa!  I know the act of Daniel being born will be hard, but I also have a great support team that will be with me this time, and I know how awesome it is to hold and nurse a new born.  I seriously cannot wait!  I think that loosing Vanessa has made a difference too.  I was ready once and it all went down the drain...Now it is really happening and it seems that that anticipation of having her has carried over into the arrival of Daniel.  It's nice to have something concrete to look forward too though :)

How far along? 28 Weeks

Total weight gain/loss: We go back to the doctor on the 6th so I will know better then...for now we will go with 35 pounds.

Maternity clothes? Of course.

Stretch marks? No new ones since the last time I did this...but there are new ones for Daniel.

Sleep: Insomnia.

Best moment this week: All the kicks and jabs!

Movement: There is a pretty permanent rave going on in there.

Food cravings: Oranges, fried chicken, fruit.

Anything making you queasy or sick: I get motion sick real easy.

Have you started to show yet: I was getting asked if we were shooting for having our baby before the new year...I would just smile and say "No, not till the end of March."  To which I would then be questioned, "Oh, My!  Are you having twins?"  I really am getting tired of the twin thing.

Leakage: Yes
Gender prediction: Boy.

Labor Signs: Braxton Hicks are starting up.  Not too bad though

Belly Button in or out?I really feel bad for my belly button.

Wedding rings on or off? Officially off.

Happy or Moody most of the time: Moody.

Weekly Wisdom: Lotion is your friend.